And only…

Billions of people on this planet, billions of stars in our universe and more in other universes, billions of grains of sand. But no one and nothing is exactly like you.

If we invent a time machine and go all the way to the past and back to the future, we still won’t find another you. You are the only one.  Ever.

You are the only one experiencing exactly what you do. You are the only one feeling exactly what you do. You are the only one thinking exactly what you do. You are the only one looking at this beautiful world exactly the way you do.

You are the only one who can change this world the way you can. If you don’t, no one will.

It’s scary to be the only one. Uniqueness carries with it huge responsibility. And power. To be you.

What do you do with this power? What do you do with your uniqueness?

If nothing else, at least stop for minute and appreciate it. With every fiber of your being. Love it. Love You. The one and only. You.

If this post inspired you or made you think, please help me spread the word about this site. Use the links below to share it with your friends. Thank you!

For the past few months I’ve been focusing on one thing and one thing only – my family. All of a sudden my whole life started revolving around two people – my man and my son. I didn’t consciously mean for it to happen this way. I had always thought of myself as a person who can balance. At least a little. Balance was nowhere near here for the past few months. I found myself completely isolated from the whole world. Relationships with the closest people in my life became my everything. These few months were strange but incredibly happy. It was probably the happiest time in my life.

On January 22 we eloped and got married. It felt like the right thing to do.

The wedding was like a dream. No, it was a dream. Come true. Magical and breathtaking. We were married under a 200 year old cedar tree at St. Simon’s Island with the ocean and flying seagulls as our backdrop. We had only our immediate families with us. And three rings – one for me, one for Keith and one for my son Nicholas.

Today was our usual Sunday (this post will be published later in the week). We woke up late. Had breakfast and went for a walk. The day was sunny and beautiful. It felt like a spring. And that’s when I realized – I need to get back. To my life. This time for sure. I know I promised it several times in the past few months but never did. There is really not much I can say for an excuse, besides that I am sorry for not having kept that promise.

The break brought me new visions and new dreams. Some are not very clear yet, so we’ll see what the future holds.  I feel like I lost my old voice, but I am in the process of finding a new one. I am starting a new chapter. And am very excited.

I will write articles on this blog weekly again. I am also revamping my coaching and have a new workshop coming up in Atlanta.

Also from now on, I’ll have comments closed on this blog. I want to reconnect with my online friends but I don’t want clutter.  I am always happy to receive your emails though, please write me at lana {at} daringclarity {dot} com

And I know it’s February now, but Happy New Year to you all. May 2011 bring you closer to living your truth. To the fullest.

P.S. Here are some pictures from our wedding. All photos were taken by Luke Smith from Lone Pine Photography. And our entire wedding/elopement was planned in under 3 weeks with the help of our wedding consultant/officiant Carla Pryor from St. Simons Elopements.

Chris Guillebeau from the Art of Non-Conformity was visiting Atlanta last week as a part of his Unconventional Book Tour.  The message of his book – Set Your Own Rules. Live The Life You Want and Change The World. Love it! The changing the world part will come naturally, I believe, when you commit to living from your core and doing what matters to you.

I was incredibly inspired after listening to Chris speak at the event. I’ll  share with you the questions I asked him and his answers, as well as some golden nuggets from the Q&A session. First, however, I wanted to share a related personal story. You love my personal stories, don’t you?

So I’ve been going through a big life reevaluation process lately. Once again!

One of the peak moments in my life was moving to US 6 years ago. I changed everything – career, relationships, my future and my future kids’ and grandkids’ future. That’s what I thought, at least.

Little did I know that I didn’t make the most important change. Mindset.  Physical relocation to a new country leaving everything behind was a big deal, I have to admit, but at the core everything stayed the same.

I changed career, but I still hated highly disliked every one of the jobs I had, just like I did when I lived in Russia. I found a new circle of friends but it was very similar to the one I had before. I went back to school and got a new degree but felt that I was wasting my time. Same old stuff.

Only couple years ago the true change started happening. I decided to start my own business and committed to never do 9-5 again. I started a long journey of finding my passions, believing in myself, gaining clarity on who I am and what I wanted to do. I decided to get divorced. I let go of the friendships that kept me stuck in the past. I let go of the old beliefs that were not serving me.

I finally changed my mindset and as a result my external reality slowly but surely started changing.

Now looking back I see that one of the key steps I took  to make this change happen was connecting with the people who had already made it. Those who lived their truth. Those who had reached what I wanted to reach. At first it was my school professor, successful entrepreneur. Then going to the seminars and meeting more of those people. Then reading their books and blogs.

Recently I decided to make this process more intentional if you will. I decided to stop being connected as a silent observer and actually start having conversations.

So I sat down and wrote a list of names.  Some people on my list know who I am and we already had some kind of personal interaction.  I want to develop those relationships further. Most people on my list I never had any kind of interaction with besides reading their blogs and/or twitter feeds.

Now a lot of you know that I am a very introverted person. So the whole “conversations” thing with people I don’t personally know is actually a big deal for me.

Long story short, Chris was one of the people I had on the list. He was a very high priority too.  So of course I was incredibly excited to find out that he was going to stop in Atlanta for his AONC book tour.  I knew there would a big crowd at the event and wasn’t sure if I’d have a chance to actually talk to Chris.

I was in for a surprise. When I finally got to talk to Chris, I didn’t have to tell him my story. Why? Because he knew it already! He followed my link from Twitter, read my about page, knew I was from Russia, asked me about my son.  You can probably imagine how amazed I was.

We talked and at the end of our conversation Chris said 7 powerful words Jonathan Fields wrote a post about few weeks ago.

What can I do to help you?

I asked to interview him sometime in the near future. He said he’d be happy to do it. Real conversation. Exactly what I wanted.

Lessons I learned:

• Set a clear intention. Just like I did with the list. The Universe will find a way to make it happen.
• Your story is much more interesting and compelling than you think it is. Start and keep sharing it. People who resonate with you will find you and maybe even offer to help.
• Expect that people do want to help you.
• Don’t be afraid to approach anyone.
• Start connecting. I wish I made the decision to start doing it earlier.

I asked Chris couple questions:

1. What are the key strategies that played the biggest role in your success? Chris’s answer was:

• Clarity on who you are and what your message is (of course!)
• Building strategic relationships with like minded people
• Consistency and integrity. Don’t give up. Do what you say you will do. Always.

2. I also asked him how to approach established authorities in the niche when you are just starting out and are shy and introverted like yours truly. Chris’s answer was:

80% of big names online want to build relationships and want to help. Be genuine and authentic. And just write them. Simple. All brilliant always is.

I am going to take Chris’s advice to heart. Hope you will too.

Some other golden nuggets from the Q&A session with Chris:

1. It’s not about being efficient, it’s about doing something meaningful. Do it even if it is inefficient.
2. Think of your message first and then see who resonates with it. Target market is not something for you to decide on. Your target market will be people who resonate with your message.
3. It’s never too late. It really never is. Start. Now.

I started reading The Art Of Non-Conformity Book. I’ll do a review when I am finished but I am already incredibly inspired after only first few chapters. Full of inspirational stories, actionable strategies and, of course, tons of non-conformist ideas. I have a feeling I’ll love this book.

And couple last things I have to write about, I loved how Chris looked into the eyes of every person he spoke with. He was fully present.  You could tell he was genuinely interested in everyone who came to the event. He cared. Doing meaningful work that makes you feel alive helps you stay present and connected. People can’t not like it.

Also after visiting so many states, meeting so many people and giving his talk so many times already, he was inspired, energized and passionate. At the end of the Q&A session everyone in the room felt the same. True passion is contagious.

So what will you start doing today to change the world?

All of us want to do what we love for a living. Who wouldn’t?

There are mostly two reasons why people don’t.

A. Don’t know what my passion is.

B. I know what my passion is but don’t know how/don’t believe I can make a living with it.

My (humble) thoughts on how to deal with both.

Problem #1:  I don’t know what I am passionate about.

Every now and then during one of my workshops I get a person who doesn’t know what he/she is passionate about. I keep asking – What inspires you? What would you do if success was guaranteed? What activities make you lose a track of time when do them?

Often they have no idea how to answer those questions. Sometimes they get frustrated with me. I once even had a lady who said: “That’s why I came here, I thought you would give me the answers”. I usually don’t even know how to respond to something like this.

I recently realized that all of us do something similar in one form or another. We make things too complicated. We don’t trust ourselves and wait for someone to come and tell us the truth.

We keep buying books, reading blogs, following those who “made it”… all with one purpose – to find the answers. We keep looking outside for our life purpose, keep trying to find our passions, when in reality all we have to do is to look inside, look at ourselves, at what we do and how we feel. Ask ourselves few simple questions and listen for answers. They will come. They can’t not to.

Your life purpose is to be yourself. That’s it. It doesn’t get simpler than this.

Your life purpose is to do things that are an expression of who you are. What do you love to do? What you are intensely curious about? What do you always find time to do no matter how busy you are? What inspires you? What can you talk late into the night about?

Answer those questions and I bet you’ll have a pretty good idea of what to do. Your passions are here already. You are doing them. You are living them. Don’t make it too complicated. You know. The answers.

Once you find your passions and what makes you feel alive, just start living it. More.

Doing something that is an expression of who you are is your life purpose. Simple. Stop looking any further.

Problem #2: Know what my passion is but don’t know how to make a living with it.

My answer to that are commitment, trying and setting the limits.

Commitment.

Once you realize that life is short and that doing anything that is not in alignment with who you are is really a huge waste of your precious time on Earth, you will commit.

One decision. Changes everything.

Trying.

I coud write a lot here but you better go read this article from Derek Sivers. Love it.

Treat everything as a test. Let go of your attachment to a certain outcome.  Expect the best. Don’t mind the worst. (I know, easy to say, not so easy to do)  And keep trying.

Set clear limits for yourself.

Right now you might have to do what you don’t love, but what are your limits?  How far will you go or, to be more precise, bend? Set the limits and don’t break them. Your life will start aligning itself accordingly.

Some examples of my limits:

I am committed to making my thing work.

I am not going to get a 9-5 job.  If I ever absolutely have to get a job, I’ll go and bartend. 9-5 is not an option.

Just deciding it, brought so much peace.

When you have limits, your mind will start bringing ideas and opportunities that are within your limits.

And then just keep trying and testing.  You’ll get there.

Neutrality is not a new concept. Lost your job? Neutral. Marriage sucks? Neutral. Found the love of your life? Neutral. It’s all neutral. It’s all just an experience.

Your mind gives “good” or “bad” interpretation to it, but ultimately…neutral.

What are you resisting in your life now?

You know that what you resist persists. We all know that.

Theoretically sounds great – just stop resisting the situation. Be in it. Accept it and see it dissolve on its own.

Stop worrying about money. Stop worrying about your marriage. Stop worrying about – how much longer I am going to be here. Here… where I don’t want to be anymore.

When will Change come? Easily and effortlessly. Preferably without me doing the hard work.

My divorce has been going on forever already. I am so ready to be over with it. But it doesn’t seem to end any time soon. How do you not resist something like this?

The thing is – it won’t end until I accept Here and Now. Until I stop resisting.  Hard work might not be necessary but dropping resistance is.

Sometimes it might happen naturally – when you are resisting something for too long, eventually you’ll get tired. You’ll say – who cares. But it might take awhile to get to that point. Often it works faster to consciously decide to stop resisting.

“When you surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to change that which you can’t change, but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings you’ve already received and those that are yet to come & stand in that space of gratitude … and look at where you are and how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished …- when you can claim THAT and SEE that, the literal vibration of your life will change.” Oprah

This quote goes perfectly with today’s post. Few things that help me to stop resistance are:

1. Compared to what?

Each time you notice yourself judging anything as good or bad, ask yourself – compared to what? I don’t like how my body looks. Compared to whose body? My relationship with my partner could be better. Compared to what? I don’t have enough money. Compared to what?

When you ask yourself those questions you realize that your good or bad are so relative. Then you realize that everything is neutral. Then you realize that you are doing much better than you thought. And then hopefully you stop resisting as much.

2. Physically relax into the situation that causes resistance.

Think of your situation. What do you resist? What are you unhappy with? Feel the resistance and tension in your body. Now breathe into it. And relax.

3. Most importantly stop resisting your own resistance. I’ve done that for awhile. If you are already resisting a lot and the situation really sucks (according to your mind’s interpretation, of course… but still), admit it. Claim it. Say that it sucks. And that you hate it. And wish it was over …like RIGHT now.

Only after that do steps  1 and 2. Denial is not necessary.

And then keep reminding yourself that everything is just an experience.

Look back at your life. I bet you’ll remember many situations when what looked not so good at the time turned out to be for the best after all. It truly is all for the best. There is a lesson in everything. The one that will bring you closer to who you are meant to be.

Stop resisting. Let go.

In the past few weeks I’ve been going in and out of the state of depression without realizing it. I don’t even want to use this word here  – depression. Too strong for me. I never viewed myself as someone who would experience something like this.

I am an optimistic person. Sometimes to the point of where it is stupid. The sky might be falling and I will be standing there and thinking –It is for the best. And everything truly is for the best. But sometimes being always positive and optimistic is not the best thing to do.

In the  last few weeks I went numb. I bet you noticed that considering there was almost no posts on this blog.

Main reason? My divorce. Divorce that I tried so hard to make not a big deal out of.

Let me tell you. It is a big deal. Freaking big and quite stressful deal. Especially when there are kids involved.

For whatever reason I was afraid to admit it. I was afraid to face it.

I painted a nice picture in my mind of us peacefully getting divorced but staying best friends who share a child and spend time together often. Didn’t quite work out that way. We are to the point of hardly speaking with each other.

And our son is in the middle of it all. I so wanted to prevent him from seeing us like this. He sees it all now.

So there I was. In the middle of a quite stressful divorce trying to convince myself that it was not a big deal. I would repeat over and over again to myself and everyone else around that it was just an experience. I am moving to a better place. Everything is good. I would also throw a joke there when someone asked.

Complete denial.

And to make the situation more ironic I met an amazing person who I really like and who likes me back. When I am with him life is secure, exciting, unbelievable. But then I get back to reality where there is “soon to be ex-husband”, his “moods” and all other kinds of stuff related to our divorce.

So I went numb. At first I thought that I just needed a little break. Read my previous post. But turned out it was more than that.

I literally wanted to become invisible for the outside world. Opening my email was a painful task. I haven’t checked Facebook or Twitter in forever. I wasn’t checking my voicemail, nor returning phone calls.

My dear friends and everyone who emailed or called me in the last few weeks and didn’t get a response, I really hope you didn’t take it personally.

All I wanted to do on the most days was sleep.

The funny thing is that I was still not realizing what was happening.

To make it worse I stopped working almost completely. I wasn’t promoting my coaching nor my newly released product in any way and wasn’t even responding to coaching requests I was getting. Quite an irresponsible thing to do when you are getting divorced with a child.

Everything that had such meaning to me became meaningless.

So when the stack of bills on the desk became bigger and the feeling of “I don’t even want to look at them because I don’t know how I am gonna pay all of that now that I don’t know who I am” became unbearable, it finally hit me –  something is really wrong.

That’s when I  faced it. The denial was over.

Yes, I am in a damn stressful situation. Yes, it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. Yes, I am not as strong as I always thought I was. And, yes, divorce sucks. It really does.

Tony Robbins always says that to change the situation you have to see it as it is first, and only after that see it better than it is. I was avoiding seeing my situation as it was.

Awareness. I preach it every day. And there I was not allowing myself to become aware.

Why do I write all of this?

Because I know that there are people out there who experience something similar. It might happen to anyone one day. And usually when you expect it the least. I was happy releasing my new product. And right before the launch this happened. And then it got worse and worse. And I got number and number. It felt like I was paralyzed and even though I knew I had to do something, I couldn’t do anything.

Here are the steps that helped me to get out of that state.

1. Face your situation. See it as it is. Admit it. If it sucks, say it. It is ok to be negative from time to time. Stop the denial.

2. Ask yourself – What do I want to do right now? For whatever reason this step is crucial to be able to get to the next ones.

Forget about what you should do. Forget about what you need to do. What is it that you truly want to do right now? Take a nap? Go for a walk? Call you friend you didn’t talk to in years?

I felt like going to the park to a special place I and my son love spending time at. And there in the park, sitting on the bench by the river my mind started clearing.

3. Clear your mind.

My mind was so foggy and jumpy that I couldn’t focus on finding the solution. Sometimes meditation might help with calming and clearing the mind. But in extreme situations like this one meditation often doesn’t work.

What really helps me is to do a brain dump. Take a piece of paper. And  start writing everything that you have on your mind. Don’t worry about it making any sense. Just write. And write some more. And more. Until nothing else comes out. Mind clarity you’ll feel after doing this is unbelievable.

4. Find the underlying conflict. Often putting my thoughts on paper leads me to the core of the issue.  If you don’t see the core, start asking yourself – Why am I numb? Where is this coming from? What is the core limiting belief that is causing it?

The core is usually some deeply hidden limiting belief that often comes from your childhood or some kind of painful experience from the past. Your subconscious got so impressed by the feeling that you experienced because of it that now you repeat the same pattern over and over again without realizing it.  I learned that just remembering the core experience and becoming aware of it helps to release the limiting belief.

No belief – no pattern anymore.

I won’t tell you the exact experience from my childhood that I remembered but the feeling that it left behind was  – “I am not responsible for my life. I am not in control. I am helpless. There is not much I can do to change the situation.”

And that’s exactly what I was experiencing this past few weeks. That’s exactly why I went numb. Why I wanted to become invisible. Because it felt like there is no sense in doing anything. I can’t change it. I felt helpless.

I am always amazed how all the answers are already there. All I had to do was to ask. What is the core? Where is this coming from? And right there and then I remembered the situation that happened over 15 years ago.

Your mind has all the answers for you. Just start asking questions.

Like I said often just becoming aware of the past painful experience is enough to let limiting belief go. I used EFT and Sedona method to make sure I really let it go. Google them. There are plenty of info online about both.

5. Figure out the next steps. Only after you cleared your mind, found internal conflict and let go of the limiting belief, can you start thinking of what’s next. And usually the next steps will come to you easily once the mind is clear. Write them all down.

6. Do something right away. To keep the momentum rolling take some action. No matter how small it is, do something right away. It will be a signal to you mind that you are serious, that you started moving.

7. And as a bonus step, I really recommend to get rid of the clutter in your physical space. My home never gets too cluttered, I make sure to get rid of the stuff I don’t use/need often. But sometimes I clear everything out just for the sake of clearing my mind. It works each and every time. There is definitely a very strong correlation between clutter in our physical space and clutter in our minds.

Those are the steps I used. I feel better. And so much clearer now. And even though the situation is still stressful, I face it. I am not numb anymore. I take full responsibility. I am not helpless. If I got myself into it, I can get myself out.

I learned lots of lessons on the way. And I am sure there are more lessons to come and more limiting beliefs to clear.

I am moving. Moving forward. And it feels good. Feels like myself again.

When I got married 5 years ago I told to my husband at the time that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I was so burned out at the job I had that I sincerely believed I didn’t want to ever work anymore and would be satisfied raising kids and taking care of the house.

The husband was thrilled with the idea, that was what he wanted his wife to be. The idea was nice theoretically, but didn’t last too long.  I got bored and got a job 3 months after we got married.

When my son Nicholas was born I realized that I can’t take him to daycare and I don’t trust babysitters, at least while he was little. That’s where the dilemma started. How can I be someone who is not just a stay at home mom and at the same time stay at home with my baby? Home-based business was the only logical answer. So my business started not as a result of me wanting to follow my passion. Passion came later. It started as a desire to do something meaningful in the world and stay at home with my son at the same time.

Fast forward couple years.

I tried many business models online. Made money. Lost money. Scratched everything and started over.  Rediscovered my passions. Decided to get divorced.

I burn meals. Often. I let go of the desire for everything to be clean and organized and don’t freak out anymore when the house gets messy as if it wasn’t cleaned for two weeks just two hours after I cleaned it.

I make business calls while chasing my son on the playground or playing Lego with him. I have two calendars that I update – one for business related activities, another one for our trips to the zoo, kids birthdays, children’s museum, pumpkin patches or strawberry picking. Two books that I have on my night table at the moment are – Unleashing The Ideavisrus by Seth Godin and The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman.

Life is full. And wonderful.

The thing that I realized lately is  – what I am doing is good enough. Really. It is.

I used to think that my business should be growing quicker and that I should be able to squeeze in more activities into our schedule. I even used to try and figure out how I can get by on even less sleep.

But recently I decided to relax. Yes, my business might not be growing as quickly as I’d like it to. This is the choice I made. I don’t want my son to go to a full time day care. I don’t want babysitters. That means I obviously can’t dedicate as much time to my business as I’d like to and that’s ok. I am making a progress for sure.

Being a mother and CEO might seem easy when you look at others but turns out to not be so easy when you do it all yourself. And that’s ok too.

You are doing enough.

Just relax and enjoy the ride. Get rid of the nagging “not good enough” thought in your head and decide here and now that you are enough. You truly are.

Realizing that took so much pressure and stress out of my life. I still do everything I used to do but now it feels different. I allow myself to take more breaks. I don’t feel like I am in a constant chase all the time.  I even started dating!

I feel more balanced. And you know when you are balanced your child will be much more balanced too. Which means  less meltdowns and more cooperation. Which means less stress for both of you.

Life becomes better just with one decision – decision to think of yourself as good enough.

Can you make this decision now? I bet you can. Because you really are.

→

P.S. I know there is too much “baby talk” on this blog lately:) I promise to get back to writing about “real” stuff soon:)

I love working at Starbucks. I love the atmosphere and the feeling it gives me. I feel Freedom. I feel that I can make stuff from anywhere.

I am sitting at Starbucks with my laptop now. From time to time I stop what I am doing and just observe people around me.

I remembered this line from the Peaceful Warrior (if you haven’t watched the movie, I highly recommend it): “There is always something going on”.

There is truly always something going on. There is a couple sitting by the window lovingly looking at each other, woman at the counter is telling barista that she didn’t like the way her drink was mixed, guy in a suite with a laptop in front of me keeps checking me out, young woman with a baby is waiting in line and making faces to the baby.

There is so much going on around. And everyone is consumed by their own little worlds.

During those moments when I stop and just observe the world around me, I experience such bliss. Awareness  – the rarest state ever is what comes alive during those moments.

I instantly feel peace and inner knowing that everything is fine.  

Life is on my side. No matter what challenge I might be going through –  that moment, that peace is always available to me. All I have to do is stop and become an observer.

What I also noticed is that the more I have those moments of complete presence and awareness, the easier things seem to become. Most tasks get done effortlessly. Solutions are found. The World seems to start realigning itself to meet my needs and desires.

I get into the state of flow. And life starts taking me where I need to go without me having to do much for it.

They say that the secret to getting what you want is to get clear on what you want and then let go and enjoy the process.

I learned this to be so true.

Just get clear and stop worrying about “how”.  Stop worrying how long it’s going to take and that you might not have the resources yet, and that you have no idea of exactly what steps  will take you there.

Just start doing something in that direction and be present as much as possible.

Be present seems like such an easy thing to do but in reality it is one of the most difficult things (unless you are enlightened of course. I doubt you would be reading my blog if you were).

Our mind hates presence. It lives in the future or the past, constantly worrying, analyzing, fantasizing.

Rarely Here and Now. And when it is Here and Now, it becomes restless. It starts screaming: “There is so much to do, to think about, to worry about, what are you doing Here? “

Why does being present work?

• You get closer to your spirit and you shut down your lizard brain that wants to keep you in your comfort zone.
• You allow your Higher Self to send you ideas and opportunities. Your conscious mind is not interrupting
• You get more intuitive to the flow of your life.
• You let go of your desires which allows them to manifest. Letting go works.  You still want it, but you allow it to happen in a best way possible without trying to push the desired outcome.
• You become more aware. State of awareness is one of the rarest states that exist. It allows you to become conscious of what you do, think and feel. As a result you can consciously choose your thoughts, feelings and actions. That ability alone can transform your life.

How can you train your mind to be present and stay present for longer periods:

1. Meditate: Even 5 minutes of meditation a day can increase your awareness and ability to be present tremendously. Meditation stills your jumpy mind. I won’t even mention other tremendous benefits of it.

2. Focus on your senses often throughout the day:  I found this simple exercise to help  train the mind to be present.  Consciously decide to focus on one of your senses as often as you can throughout the day.

Say to yourself: sight. Focus on what you see around you. Some time later: hearing. Focus on sounds that you hear. Then smell, touch, taste.

3. Do something new: Commit to doing one new activity a day. It doesn’t have to be something grand each time. Cook a new meal, take a new route to work, start a journal, try new restaurant, try something new in the bedroom with your partner, change a radio station you listen to in the car.

Again, do it consciously. When you consciously make a decision to do something new every day, you are much more likely to do it and have tons of ideas.  New activity trains your mind to stay present because your mind gets interested by it.

Those are just some ideas to get you started.

Remember, the more aware you are and the more often your mind is in the present moment, the faster life seems to start moving you in the direction you want to go. Presence and awareness are powerful states that can create miracles in your life.

Do it consciously. Make a conscious decision to start doing it.

Are you present now?

There is so much going on around you. Stop moving through life on autopilot. Stop. Observe. Become aware. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. 

 Enjoy the moment.

Update: This post was written two days ago. The state of flow I experienced sitting in the morning at Starbucks by consciously deciding to be present and aware stayed with me the whole day and in the evening of that day something really amazing happened. Proving once again that when you are present and aware, life starts sending surprises without you having to look for them.

There are two things we don’t talk nearly enough about  in our society and don’t have nearly enough clarity around.

Sex and Money.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine that led me to thinking about why it is the case.

Why are we not clear about sex and money? With others.  And most importantly with ourselves.

Why are there so much miscommunication, hiding, shame around these two topics? Quite important topics. If not to say – vital for our survival.

Why is it often a taboo to talk about sex and money openly? Why so often we are not clear with ourselves on our thoughts and feelings regarding both? And how does it affect our growth, freedom and happiness?

Privacy? I don’t think it’s just the matter of privacy.

When Steve Pavlina started posting all over his blog and social media about his D/s explorations earlier this year, I’ll be honest, I was a bit ummm…surprised in the beginning.

And I clearly remember the first thought I had regarding the whole thing.  Ego. Overindulgence of Ego.

The label was put right away.

Good thing I am quite conscious about my own reactions these days, so I stopped and reconsidered right away.  I read more. I thought about it. And I realized that no, it’s not about the Ego.

One of the enlightened teachers once said: “It is Ego, that wants to get rid of the Ego.” Think about this sentence for a minute.

Steve Pavlina seems to understand it quite well. He is not resisting any part of himself. He is clear on what his desires are. He goes and gets what he wants. And he sees no need in hiding it, even though it might not fit the box of socially accepted norms and regulations. That’s Wholeness, in my opinion.

Why most of us can’t have such Clarity?

Why can’t we talk openly about our desires, frustrations, thoughts, feelings around sex and money? Where does that shame come from?

I think mostly from the belief that sex and money are not spiritual. That’s why my first reaction to Steve Pavlina and his explorations was  – Ego.  I think on a  conscious level most of us overcame money vs spirituality  block, but subconsciously it still sits inside of us.

Sex and money are the realms of Ego not Spirit.

Are they really?

Let’s look at sex and money from a spiritual perspective.

One thing that Steve Pavlina did mention many times was that D/s exploration helped him grow a lot. Because it stretched his comfort zone quite a bit. And we all know that growth is really impossible without going out of your comfort zone.

I’d add that the experience also helped him to learn more about himself and other people, which is also a vital component of growth and becoming a better and happier person.

Spirituality is all about growth. It is also all about Freedom. Our spirit wants us to go further, reach higher, learn more about ourselves. Know Thyself has been proclaimed for centuries the key to happiness and purpose driven life. It is also the key to Freedom.

Sex definitely can help us with that if we are not afraid to use it for those purposes.

Money is the same thing. How can we do anything in our society without money? They say 2012 is coming and things will change. Ummm, I don’t know. Let’s live here and now.

Right now how can we grow without money or without desire to have money?  When we want to take our income to the next level, that requires a whole new set of thinking and acting. That requires going out of your comfort zone and stretching your limits.

I won’t even mention the fact that without money most of us are stuck in a rat where there is little opportunity to explore ourselves or the world around us. Without money Freedom is a hard to gain thing. Of course, there is a whole bunch of different topics that come up on how much is enough for Freedom and how to make money doing what you love etc, but those are different topics.

So how can money and sex be non spiritual?

Not only are they NOT non spiritual. They are the best and the most powerful spiritual tools for growth, self expression and happiness after all.

Your Spirit wants you to go after them. Your Spirit wants you to use them!

The question is – why don’t we use them nearly enough?

So today I invite you to talk about sex and money. No, not with me (unless you want to, of course), but with yourself.

Let’s get more Clarity, since Clarity is the most important step. After you are truly clear, everything else seems to start falling into place automatically.

Ask yourself these questions.

What do I feel and think about my current sex life? Am I stuck in a place that limits my growth? How can I better utilize sex for growth? What exactly do I want to experience? What new things do I want to try? What needs to change in my current reality in order for me to experience that?

Am I happy with my financial situation? How much more money do I want?(be specific). How much do I want to make a week, a month, a year? How much do I want to save? How much do I want to spend and on what?

Get truly clear.

What can I start doing to reach my goals?

So often we say – I want more money. And then life sends us a dollar and we are not happy. That’s exactly what you asked for! Be specific. Get truly clear. Be honest with yourself. If you are not meeting your financial goals, say – “Yes, it sucks”

Admit your current situation first. And then get truly clear on what you want changed and what you are going to start doing to change it.

Remember, Clarity is often 90% of the deal if not more. Once you are truly clear, your mind starts sending you ideas and noticing opportunities. Most importantly you start taking action.

Some people say: “I want to get clear but what if it is not exactly what I want?”

That’s where the growth component comes into play. You might fail. You might get it just to find out that it is not really the right thing for you.  But you’ll grow. And you’ll get clearer. And you’ll get closer to what you truly do want.

And your Spirit, your Higher Self will be happy because you are not sitting still, you are moving, you are making a progress, you are taking risks and you are growing. That’s what you came here to this Earth to do.

And now would be a great time for me to blog about my sex and money goals, desires, thoughts and feelings. I won’t say much today. One thing I’ll say though is that I am on the way to making as much money as I want/need and I am taking the necessary steps and risks. I let go of fear and I am committed to going out of my comfort zone. Not there yet and it does suck (I wish things were happening quicker…..like overnight would be nice), but I am clear and I am making a progress. Most importantly I immensely enjoy the process and feel that I am living my purpose, have meaning and am close to freedom.

Sex. The next person I will be with is going to be very open minded, creative and highly conscious about the topic. I don’t promise to blog about my explorations and experiences (I might, if there are some valuable lessons to be shared) but I do promise to be very clear with myself.

Now is your turn. Get clear.

I am launching a new product soon. Info product. My knowledge, my experience and my wisdom intertwined with my heart and soul.

Not such a big deal, launches happen every day and in multiples. Mine is going to be small. I am not such a big name…(yet!).

Let me tell you – it SUCKS.

Having to sell your Art sucks. And by Art I mean Your Thing – it might be a product, a service or whatever it is you sell. If you love it. If you put your soul into it. If you believe in it 157%.  It is Your Art.

And it often sucks that you have to sell it or want to sell it or need to sell it. Hold this thought for me for a minute, I’ll come back to it.

My previous experience with the product launch.

I’ve launched products in the past. One was an ebook complimented with videos and audios. Another one was a CD of the month membership  program.

That was over a year ago. Took me a year to recover from that launch. Seriously. I made every possible mistake I could make. I took on a HUGE project because I wanted to validate in my own mind why I was asking  money for My Thing.

As a result I put so much into that product, it was ridiculous.

Lesson: people don’t need complicated solutions. They want something simple that they can use right away.

I am rambling, that’s not what I wanted to talk about.

Creating and launching those products a year ago was tough. I didn’t sleep, didn’t eat anything but pizza on most days and almost didn’t get out of the house for a month.

I was scared doubting if anyone would even buy it. I was scared to death that I sounded like a pushy sales person. Most importantly I was scared if people  who did buy it, wouldn’t see the value in it that I hoped to put into it.

I loved that product. Still do. I am not selling it anymore. There is too much insecurity vibe around it.

Why I put off my next launch.

I wanted my next launch to be different. I learned the mistakes I made. I want to do it in a relaxed manner. I want to feel only joy and happiness launching it. I don’t want anxiety, insecurity and too much butterflies.

That’s why I put it off for as long as I could. I launched my coaching and it was accepted pretty well.

I knew that coaching is not the only thing I should be doing and want to be doing.

I want to write. I want to create something incredible useful. I want to create a unique piece of art.  Something that will change people’s lives.

No, no  more huge and complicated solutions.  Simple and brilliant stuff that works and puts people on track to living their purpose and reaching their dreams.

I have several products that I am working on or walk around with in my head. Truth is I could have finished all of them by now already. I use all of them in my daily life anyway.

When I get inspiration I create fast.

All of those products are dying to be finally born.

Plus I know all the logistics behind launching an info product now.  Shopping carts, affiliates, I got it all covered.

I was  still putting the launch off.

And I realized that the reason I was doing it was  because selling Your Art sucks.

Selling your art is a balancing act that is very hard to.., well, balance.

Soul doesn’t want to worry about money. Soul just wants to create, make an impact, change the world, fulfill the purpose.

Mind on the other hand is worried with money and what others will think and failure, and who knows what else it is worried about.

Soul is Queen. But Mind is King.

Soul is powerful but very quiet and graceful. Mind is powerful and very loud.

Who will win? How to synchronize them?

My previous product converted at a whopping 5.5% with a decent list of pretty targeted newsletter subscribers and couple affiliates who helped with the promotion. Big names online say that anything better than 2% is great.

I didn’t feel so.

I had zero returns. I had people who wrote me long emails telling me that the product was exactly what they needed.

I still felt like a failure. I expected more.

Lizard Brain’s protective mechanism.

That’s what my mind was afraid and probably still afraid of. It built a link between the launch of an info product and the  feeling of failure. And now it tries to protect me. By making me to put off my next launch.

It gives me thousands of other ideas on how to make money with my Art. I have big local workshops that I am actively working on. I have my coaching. But an information product, probably the best, the easiest and the wisest thing to do, was something I’ve been putting off.  Sure, I am working on it but TOO slowly.

Why am I writing this?

Because I know a lot of you will be able to relate. I am not alone.  Selling Your Art sucks. Subconsciously we all want 100% guarantee. We want to know in advance that the World will accept it with applause.

There are no 100% guarantees.

You’ll have to go with what you’ve got.

Tell your lizard brain (I love it how Seth Godin calls it) to shut up. There are people out there longing for you to change their lives. Tell your selfish egocentric lizard brain that you must do it. No excuses.

And yes, it might not work out exactly the way you expect it to. But no matter what, you’ll make a progress. And you’ll learn. And you’ll be so much closer to a complete success that your mind wants and your soul knows is yours already.

Create your Art.

Love it. Sell it. You deserve to be rewarded for it. The World wants it.

If that’s what you love and believe in, you can’t go wrong. You were born to do it. You can go wrong only if you don’t do it.

And it’s time for me to announce my product launch.

My lizard brain is scared.  But I am determined to ignore it.

3 weeks. April 28th. Full Moon. Full trust. Full heart.

No expectations this time.

Just unconditional love, desire to make this world a better place and acceptance of “what is”.  And “what is” is going to rock. It always does.

I love you, my dears.  I wouldn’t do it if not your emails, comments, calls,  and personal words of encouragement.

You too, go make something happen. Your Art is screaming to be born.