Have you ever had a job you didn’t enjoy but stayed there just because of the money?
Have you ever stayed with the person you didn’t want to be with but for the fear of staying alone? Have you ever given someone a favor just because you wanted to get a favor back?
Have you ever not said what you felt like saying because of the fear of being rejected?
Have you ever started a business just because it looked like a good idea and you thought you would make lots of money, but you never cared about the business itself?
If you’ve ever been in any situations similar to the ones described above, you’ll understand what I mean by
Fear-based decisions.
Fear based decisions can be anything – some of them are big ones, some of them are not as big, sometimes we don’t even realize we make them.
I lived a life based on fear for a long time. I still probably do sometimes, but I have committed to reduce the amount of my fear based decisions to an absolute minimum.
Can I stop doing it altogether? Probably so. Is it hard? Probably not, all I have to do is just decide, right? Does it take lots of courage and trust? Absolutely!
Here are some of the things that I did in the last few months to eliminate fear based decisions from my life. I stopped working on a business that had big potential, but wasn’t really aligned with my purpose.
It was tough because I did enjoy that business so I couldn’t say that I was staying in it completely out of fear. But after thinking about it for a while I realized that it was not my purpose and it wasn’t something I saw myself doing and enjoying long term. So I had to let it go. That decision took lots of courage and trust because it cut down a large part of my income but I don’t regret.
I let go of relationships that were no longer based on love and just drained my energy. I let go of fear to play small and now dream as big as I feel like dreaming. I let go of the need to please certain people.
So how to make the switch to making decisions predominantly based on love, not fear? How do you reduce the amount of fear based decisions in your life as much as possible?
1. Love and accept yourself. Only with true love and acceptance can you let go of the part of you that is overtaken by fear.
Accept yourself with all of your imperfection. Accept your worries, doubts. Accept the fact that you were making those fear based decisions.
Accept even the fact that you might continue making them no matter how hard you try to stop. This last point sounds counterintuitive, but, trust me, what you resist, persists. Instead of fighting, try accepting and facing.
2. Make unconscious conscious. It is proven that up to 95% of our daily activity is based on the subconscious programming we have downloaded from the past. Most of the decisions we make on a daily basis, we don’t even question. We make them based on that programming.
The result? Lots of fear without us even realizing we have it.
How do you stop living on autopilot? Learn self awareness. Learn being fully present in every moment. Then you’ll be able to consciously make a choice and notice yourself making fear based decision right away.
3. Find your “Whys”. Why do you want to stop making decision based on fear? Even if they are small ones. Even if you hardly notice doing it. Why do you want to stop? What are your “whys”?
Most likely you one of your “whys” is a desire to live a more authentic life. Or maybe a desire to spread the vibe of love and acceptance? Or maybe your “why” is your desire to have that inner knowing that you are being true to yourself?
What are your “whys”?
4. Find your True Self, find your purpose and passions. Too often we live our lives based on the limitations and standards others imposed on us.
What do You truly want in life? What is your purpose? What are your passions? Amazingly, once we discover our purpose and what we truly are passionate about , making love based decisions and letting go of those that are based on fear becomes so much easier.
5. Jump, the net will appear. It takes courage to leave a job that is paying your bills and commit to doing what you love. It sometimes takes courage to leave relationships that no longer make you happy.
It takes courage and lots of faith to commit to making only love based decisions. Take that courage.
I think if you follow all of the steps listed above, finding the courage will be easy. I almost dare to say it will happen automatically. At least that is what happened to me.
Live with love, live with passion!
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Great article Lana. And so true. It was exactly the kind of life I had for the most of my life. And I especially love point one. Love thyself and accept it. I find myself more at calm once I accept all my imperfections. And I am now able to do things I can’t in the past. Like being independent and loving it.
Karlil´s last blog ..Fight
I know Karlil, love and acceptance are always the first step. Thanks for commenting!
Hey Lana,
I hate fear based decision making. So I love this post
Bottom line, I think fears influence our decisions because… we have them and some of them are very intense. So, being a passionate of emotional mastery, I think learning to eliminate irational fears is very important here. This takes a lot of self-awareness and the ability to adress some core beliefs we may hold dear.
Eduard.
Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Personal development readers vs. personal development doers
Great article…well said!
Fear is definitely the worst motivation in life. If you are afraid of everything, of any changes and of any unexpected outcomes then your life will always be just a shadow of the real life you could have lived.
You’ve shared some great tips on how to fight the fear and make decisions based on love. I especially liked “Make unconscious conscious.” Sometimes we get so used to our fears and to our regular routines that we do not even question ourselves “Can it be any different? What if I don’t do this?”
Great article Lana!
Exceptional article Lana, fear is the foundation of all limiting beliefs.
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..50 Timeless Life Lessons
Truly inspirational, Lana. The last sentence: jump, the net will appear, made me think about a saying about real entrepreneurs (which are amongst the most courageous people): they are able to jump into a pool hoping that the water will be there by the time they’ll need it.
Well done
Dragos Roua´s last blog ..39 Things
You are right Eduard, self awareness and get rid of limiting beliefs, if we do that we’ll have very little fears left.
Sharlene, Thanks!
Lana´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear
Anastasiya, totally agree,often just stopping and asking yourself a question will help.
Thank you Jonathan, I plan on writing an extended series about limiting beliefs, just have to get rid of mine first:)
Dragos, thanks for commenting, it does take lots of courage to be an entrepreneur
Lana´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear
WOW ! Great article ! I am so impressed !
You use such great analogies to dispel so much great wisdom!
Fear is one of the worst emotions to overcome. It can be so crippling. It makes us not able to live the lives we really want to, and not able to make the decisions we really want to….
I appreciate the time you took to write this article.
Steven Handel´s last blog ..How Stress Ruins Everything And What You Can Do About It
Marina, thank you!
Steven, thanks for stopping by and commenting, I appreciate it!
Lana´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear
Yes! Break that chain of mechanical living, and the daily ingrained traditions. Remember the word tradition comes from trade, and so does the word traitor. In modern English, it’s more like a rebel. And then you can be fearless.
Prince´s last blog ..Links for 2009-11-11 [del.icio.us]
Prince, never knew tradition comes from trade:) Thanks for commenting.
Lana´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear
Hi Lana. Find your whys is great, I love that phrase and it is such a small thing to do which could have a huge impact on your life. Thanks Lana.
Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..5 Steps To Increasing Your Coincidence Factor
You are right Steven, small thing, but makes a huge impact. Our mind loves “whys”. Thanks!
Lana´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear
Hey Lana,
Great post. I’ve always said that fear is just a tool and an indicator to tell us what area’s of our lives need to be addressed. Where you feel fear, there is something there that needs attention. We have some fears that aren’t that important and don’t need to be tackled but there are some which definitely need to be addresses in the way that you mentioned. One example for me was doing things alone. Now I do lots of things alone with no fear!
Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..How To Be Single And Enjoy Every Second
Great to hear you overcame that fear Amit, it can limit us in lots of ways:) Thanks for commenting!
Lana´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear
This presents a whole new way of looking at one’s life. Very eye-opening and refreshing–thanks!!
David/Yourfinances101´s last blog ..Money Lessons from a Two-Year Old
I enjoyed reading your post! I especially like your advice to “find your whys”. It’s actually my favorite question I ask myself. It helps to ask yourself why you are afraid to do something so you’ll know what’s stopping you. Thanks for this lovely read.
Nikka´s last blog ..Creating That Connection
Hi Lana, wonderful article! I’m really proud of you for making those big and difficult decisions. It is a rare person that does that.
Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..How To Be Rich and Happy
David, thank you!
Nikka, thank you, I love “whys” too!
Stephen, I appreciate the encouragement, I think I am proud of myself too:)
Lana´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear
Loved this post, Lana. I’m in the process of losing my secure, well-paying corporate job, and it is nice, in a strange way, to have that forcing function pushing me out of my comfort zone. I’m seizing this opportunity to start my own business, doing work that interests me with a smart and trustworthy friend as my partner. I think it’s sometimes hard to make big life changes unless you’re forced to do so.
It’s now or never, as they say, and I’m excited and hoping for the best!
PB´s last blog ..pbwillibehappy: Former executive claims Ikea is "run like a sect": http://tinyurl.com/yc5xcxm
Loved this post, Lana. I’m in the process of losing my secure, well-paying corporate job, and it is nice, in a strange way, to have that forcing function pushing me out of my comfort zone. I’m seizing this opportunity to start my own business, doing work that interests me with a smart and trustworthy friend as my partner. I think it’s sometimes hard to make big life changes unless you’re forced to do so.
It’s now or never, as they say, and I’m excited and hoping for the best!
PBWillIBeHappy´s last blog ..pbwillibehappy: Former executive claims Ikea is "run like a sect": http://tinyurl.com/yc5xcxm
I agree PB, I’ve been in a situation like this. Something not so good happens, but you are happy it happens because you know that now you’ll actually do what you wanted to do for a long time. Best of luck to you!
Lana´s last blog ..Finding Your Life Purpose: The Most Powerful Way to Discover What You Truly Want In Life
Hi Lana. Thanks for adding me on facebook. I recently wrote a story about a woman lost in fear. http://www.upliftantidote.co.uk/wordpress/2009/12/a-couple-of-questions-for-you/ What would be your advice to her?
Fear is such a limiting thing. It can really put a spanner in the works in so many ways. It needs to be challenged, it needs to be faced otherwise fear can shrink us down into being something much less than we truly are.
Speak to you soon, Jacqui x