Neutrality is not a new concept. Lost your job? Neutral. Marriage sucks? Neutral. Found the love of your life? Neutral. It’s all neutral. It’s all just an experience.
Your mind gives “good” or “bad” interpretation to it, but ultimately…neutral.
What are you resisting in your life now?
You know that what you resist persists. We all know that.
Theoretically sounds great – just stop resisting the situation. Be in it. Accept it and see it dissolve on its own.
Stop worrying about money. Stop worrying about your marriage. Stop worrying about – how much longer I am going to be here. Here… where I don’t want to be anymore.
When will Change come? Easily and effortlessly. Preferably without me doing the hard work.
My divorce has been going on forever already. I am so ready to be over with it. But it doesn’t seem to end any time soon. How do you not resist something like this?
The thing is – it won’t end until I accept Here and Now. Until I stop resisting. Hard work might not be necessary but dropping resistance is.
Sometimes it might happen naturally – when you are resisting something for too long, eventually you’ll get tired. You’ll say – who cares. But it might take awhile to get to that point. Often it works faster to consciously decide to stop resisting.
“When you surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to change that which you can’t change, but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings you’ve already received and those that are yet to come & stand in that space of gratitude … and look at where you are and how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished …- when you can claim THAT and SEE that, the literal vibration of your life will change.” Oprah
This quote goes perfectly with today’s post. Few things that help me to stop resistance are:
1. Compared to what?
Each time you notice yourself judging anything as good or bad, ask yourself – compared to what? I don’t like how my body looks. Compared to whose body? My relationship with my partner could be better. Compared to what? I don’t have enough money. Compared to what?
When you ask yourself those questions you realize that your good or bad are so relative. Then you realize that everything is neutral. Then you realize that you are doing much better than you thought. And then hopefully you stop resisting as much.
2. Physically relax into the situation that causes resistance.
Think of your situation. What do you resist? What are you unhappy with? Feel the resistance and tension in your body. Now breathe into it. And relax.
3. Most importantly stop resisting your own resistance. I’ve done that for awhile. If you are already resisting a lot and the situation really sucks (according to your mind’s interpretation, of course… but still), admit it. Claim it. Say that it sucks. And that you hate it. And wish it was over …like RIGHT now.
Only after that do steps 1 and 2. Denial is not necessary.
And then keep reminding yourself that everything is just an experience.
Look back at your life. I bet you’ll remember many situations when what looked not so good at the time turned out to be for the best after all. It truly is all for the best. There is a lesson in everything. The one that will bring you closer to who you are meant to be.
Stop resisting. Let go.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Yup, well said Lana!
In my own words, I think that instead of trying to resist things, we need to learn to manage them. Managing is about going to the roots, integrating, adapting. It is a much more elegant and powerful method than resisting.
.-= Eduard @ People Skills Decoded´s last blog ..Is the road you’re on really necessary =-.
I am all of elegance, Eduard:)
Hi Lana!
You’ve just nailed it here, the 3 steps to moving beyond resistance and getting on with living. I particularly love the question “compared to what?”. Doesn’t that just put everything into perspective. Well done, and it’s so lovely to read another of your posts. You know I’m sending good vibes your way, and I wish you a lovely day
Topi
.-= Topi´s last blog ..Wise Living Blog – How to Choose the Right Challenges =-.
Thank you, dear Topi, sending lotsa good vibes your way too:)
Lana, I truly believe that everything that happens in life happens for a reason. However, we can choose how to behave in a particular situation. Are we going to resist? Are we going through the walls just to get there? Are we going to let it go? Are we going to learn from this situation? Our attitude a lot of times determines the outcome of the situation and our future. It is important to listen to yourself and follow the path that is meant for you. After all this is the reason why you are here, on this planet, right now.
.-= Anastasiya´s last blog ..Big Lifestyle Clean-Up- 5 Things You Absolutely Can Live Without =-.
Anastasiya, I love this comment of yours, thank you for adding value!
Hi Lana! Wonderfully expressed – as always!
This is a tandom thought process to saying what you don’t want. Some people will say over and over again what they don’t want, not realizing the more they focus on that, the more they are calling it to them! It’s so refreshing to just accept what is and not waste our energies “fighting” it – and I’m all about not wasting my energy!
hugs
suZen
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Sick of Cleaning or Sick Because You Do =-.
yes, let’s don’t waste our energy suzen!
Hi Lana .. yup at times when it’s difficult or something’s gone wrong .. I usually mentally turn on my heel and so ok .. so what?! Then I carry on .. life is going to anyway .. but being with life and not burying your head in the sand is the most important thing.
Thanks .. we all need clarity .. even if it’s briefly to clear the soul and be prepared for what’s ahead .. what ever that is and what ever comes .. so be it .. we’ve done our best in the circumstances .. be happy .. that’s what life is about .. or peaceful with life at least .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Could this be a sitcom – or a break out sitcom Ever had a one word – at a time – conversation Fish and Chips – how do you spell it =-.
being with life…beautifully said Hilary!
Hi Lana, I have missed you… I am so glad to be reading your post. And loved your topic today. I find that the more we persist something the more it lingers in our minds. If nature persist, trees would not grow, rivers would not flow freely. Only human being tend to persist. I like to say, “I accept all things, situations, and people in the moment now” and take action right away whatever it is that I’m persisting (whether it’s making a phone call to a prospect, making a video etc) It is only in taking action can we truly grow our potential and see what we are capable of. Love this post. And I truly genuinely honestly miss you. I hope everything goes smoothly on your life.
Thanks Lana for bringing me value today!
I appreciate your thoughts
Your Friend,
Therese Miu
.-= Therese Miu´s last blog ..Communication Breakdown- Is your FILTER Clogged =-.
Hi Lana,
It’s wonderful to read your intense writing and to hear you change your frustrations into positive energy, stillness, letting to – some of the hardest things we can do in life, no doubt! Bravo and thank you for the deep encouragement. I am nowhere as strong as you – but inching ahead by just knowing how much stronger I could be!! Thank you!!
.-= Farnoosh´s last blog ..Recounting my Vegan Diet- The first 20 Days =-.
I find that resisting something also means focusing on it. I’m a big believer in the law of attraction, and if we focus on that resistance, it will bring more resistance or more of that which we are resisting. It’s better to change the outlook to focus on what you do want and let go of everything else.
.-= Eric | Eden Journal´s last blog ..Reiki Music =-.
Lana –
Brilliant concept = when we stop struggling and striving, things happen naturally. Beautifully conveyed as always. Resistance is futile!
Phil
.-= Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..Can you really think yourself happy =-.
I do believe that we must first be aware of the tendency of our minds to resists. Only then we will appreciated the need to stop resisting. It is not easy to go against this habit of our mind, but the more we put effort in defying this habit, the more it weakens on our minds.
Lana, this is such a concise and powerful piece of advice. Thanks for the inspirational and motivational writing. I could feel myself relaxing as I read it. I love the “compared to what” question, and also the physical relaxation exercise for accepting the resistance. And finally, I work on practicing Oprah’s “space of gratitude” every night before I go to sleep.
.-= Steve Borgman´s last blog ..Warning- You May Be Missing Out On True Wealth! =-.
Great post! I learned this from The Secret many years ago.
Lana, comparisons are huge. When we draw comparisons very little good can come from them.
Not to be confused with using others as a model for what we want. There is immense value in doing this. Thanks for a great post.
Lana, You couldn’t have explained it any better…Great article, I actually know someone that needs to read this and really apply it to his life. Thanks for sharing your point of view =)