Hi! I moved to a new place. I would love for you to visit me there.

Love Is Everywhere or I Hope I Know I Will I Can

I hope

My dream comes true

I hope

My dream is you

I know

My love is endless

I know

I will give you my best

I will

Honor and worship you

I will

Love and protect you

I can

Make you happy and loved

I can

Give you the love from above

Short but true

I love YOU.

This poem was written for me 7 years ago by my soon to be ex-husband. He wrote me over 100 poems since then. I’ve been rereading them all today remembering how this Love started.

These days we have hard time speaking with each other and some of the things he does make me think –where did love go?

But today he was getting our son to go to the park in the morning while I was still in bed and Nicholas ran upstairs to get something from my room. David chased after him and got him out of the room quickly, whispering – “Mommy is tired, let her sleep. ”

He thought I didn’t hear. But I heard. And that one simple act made me realize – Love is still here. It is buried under layers of hurt and resentment but it is still here. It didn’t go anywhere. It is Love after all. It can’t go away.

Sometimes Love is not enough. Not enough to stay together. Not enough to be happy.

But it is everywhere. If you are willing to see it. And no matter what – it is beautiful.

I made more mistakes in this relationship than I can count. He made lots of mistakes too that I know he regrets about now.  I forgive him, have forgiven a long time ago actually.

And today I forgive myself too. For everything. For breaking my vows. I said “I am going to be with you always” when we were getting married. How silly was I assuming I knew what future holds.

I’ll never promise “forever” to anyone anymore. I will promise “Now”.  I choose to live in the present moment. With less expectations. And more joy that comes as a result.  That seems to be working much better so far.

There are so many  things that I am grateful for. Lessons I learned, experiences we shared, our son, new life I got as a result of this marriage. I am truly grateful. And I let go. I am sorry for all the dreams that didn’t come true. But in place of those old dreams new dreams came into being. More authentic dreams.

I hope he finds what he was looking for in this marriage with a woman who’ll be able to truly appreciate him for who he is.

I know that I will always be grateful  for all we had together and for the person I became because of this relationship.

I will stay happy and optimistic no matter how messy this divorce might get.

I can get through this and so can you if you are going through a difficult period in your life.

Love is everywhere. Take a deep breath. Feel it. It’s right next to you.

Where do you want to go next?

No matter how difficult things might be now, get clear on what you want next. It might look too far stretched. It might seem too unbelievable at the moment. But get clear now.

You never know what the Universe has  in store for you. It really might surprise you.

I got clear on what I want my new relationship to be like before it was even time to start thinking about thinking about anything new. And I think I am really close to getting what I wanted.

Find a new dream. Write a new poem. Sing a new song.

This world is abundant. It loves you. And it wants to give you what you want. Just get clear and allow yourself to accept it.

P.S. Thank you to everyone who commented, emailed and called me after my last post. It feels really great to know I have so many supportive friends around me. I love you, my darlings!

posted in: clarity
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inspiration and procrastination and trying to find the soltion for both | Daring Clarity
March 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm

{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

Hilary June 10, 2010 at 9:02 am

Hi Lana .. that’s a great recognition and a release .. may life get easier, more comfortable for you .. life does heal .. times like these are tricky – and you have your son .. and your future .. happiness is where happiness is.

Look after yourself .. with thoughts Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Food, Food, Glorious Food … What could possibly go wrong …? =-.

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Lana June 10, 2010 at 2:07 pm

Hilary, thank you, dear – “happiness is where happiness is” – that’s beautiful!

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suzen June 11, 2010 at 12:36 am

Hi Sweet Lana! Kudos for your attitude – it will get you thru many days that others would find dismal. No it isn’t easy to end a relationship but to think of it as a new beginning rather than an ending is certainly helpful. Things change, people change and you’re right, the love is still there but it, too, has changed. I just had a 29th anniversary (and this is marriage number three!) and it has endured MANY changes and a few times of “almost” splitting. Our love has changed from that first year – how could it not? Sometimes you can endure the changes (tho they are painful) and sometimes not. You will survive this – as mom always said “This too shall pass” and it does.
Many hugs
suZen
.-= suzen´s last blog ..The Independence of Solitude by Peggy Nolan – Guest Blogger =-.

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Lana June 11, 2010 at 10:35 pm

wow 29th anniversary with marriage number 3, that’s amazing suzen, thanks for your inspiring comment!

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Ibrahim | TwentiesLife.com June 11, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Wow. Just wow.

I’m getting married in 10 days, and I couldn’t bare the thought of this being the future. I don’t know you, but I’m sorry for the pain and mistakes that led you and your husband to this place. I know you’ll find happiness, because I can tell you know where it truly comes from, but reading your words are like seeing a beautiful love that neither person has the stamina to nurture. It’s heartbreaking.
.-= Ibrahim | TwentiesLife.com´s last blog ..5 Ways To Be A Hero =-.

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Lana June 11, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Don’t think about the future Ibrahim, live in the present and enjoy your wedding! I am sure you’ll have a very happy marriage that will last a lifetime, thanks for commenting!

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Jenn June 11, 2010 at 9:52 pm

Lana, I really appreciated your transparency in this post. I found this section especially helpful with where I am at now.
struggling with confidence and really giving the full energy into living from who I am.
[ Where do you want to go next? and getting clear about this. ] It sounds so simple but it feels like the permission slip and awareness I needed and I am grateful to be here today to capture this.
xx blessings to you on your journey. ~Jenn
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Live Into Your Wildest Imaginations, Heart Expectancies =-.

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Lana June 11, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Jenn, I am so glad it helped you! It does sound simple but often we don’t do it for whatever reason.

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J.D. Meier June 14, 2010 at 6:03 pm

I think one of the keys is always growing. The risk is you grow apart, the reward is you grow together. I don’t know anybody that regrets growing forward, just holding themselves or their partner back, or being someone or something they aren’t.

I think the more common pattern is to change yourself for the person or job, but I think the more sustainable pattern is finding better fits. It’s tough. Self-awareness is tough. I think the best way to find the best fits is always common values. Opposites attract, but similarities bind.
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..3 Take Aways from The Karate Kid =-.

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Lana June 26, 2010 at 8:55 am

J.D. you always say exactly what I need to hear:)

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JONxBLAZE June 14, 2010 at 11:25 pm

Sometimes loving someone means knowing when to let them go, even if it breaks your heart.
.-= JONxBLAZE´s last blog ..Data Plan on a TMobile iPhone =-.

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Lana June 26, 2010 at 8:56 am

true!

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Phil - Less Ordinary Living June 16, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Lana –

Raw, personal and powerful stuff. I am sure that if you trust yourself and the universe you’ll find what you are looking for.

Phil
.-= Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..Be a Black-Belt Motivational Master =-.

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Lana June 26, 2010 at 8:56 am

yes, Phil, I keep trusting:)

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Suzie Cheel June 18, 2010 at 5:54 am

Hi Lana,

I love your courage and that you are growing and living in the now, that’s what we have. Sending you love and hugs across the waves
love
Suzie
.-= Suzie Cheel´s last blog ..Passion Test Step 4 =-.

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Lana June 26, 2010 at 8:56 am

thank you Suzie, I do need some hugs:)

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Evelyn Lim June 24, 2010 at 10:00 am

I was beginning to wonder what happened to you. Having been very busy myself, I have not had much time on the web lately. It must not have been easy for you. I wish you much love and healing! You will emerge from this period a much stronger person. Stay well!
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Billionaire Song: Sing Yourself To Wealth =-.

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Lana June 26, 2010 at 8:57 am

Thank you Evelyn, I know if anything, it makes me stronger!

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Joshua Noerr June 25, 2010 at 4:18 pm

I am sorry to hear about your impending separation, but the point you made about promising now is fantastic. Really, it is arrogant to try to promise the future, and we shouldn’t try to do so.

Maybe marriage vows could read “I promise everyday to give the best of myself at that time, and to be fully in the moment.” Or something to that effect.

Cheers!

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Lana June 26, 2010 at 8:57 am

yes, Joshua, I love that exact point too:) Now is all we can promise.

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Joy June 28, 2010 at 8:04 am

JD has some amazing insight in his comment!
Lana…you have grown tremendously and in the short time I’ve read your blog, I’ve watched you dare yourself to dream and then to realize those dreams while mothering your son and building this business..You may not currently understand what you are in, but deep down you do know that somehow you will come away from this situation with more boldness, a deeper appreciation of who you are and what you want to contribute to your family and to the the world, and a Love bigger than the one you have just experienced…You believe in Abundance..abundance is yours to tap into..when you allow your heart to reopen, when you allow yourself to laugh from pure enjoyment…abundance is there and waiting…the Universe is magical..and that magic is yours…
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Fearless Fun Friday- Summer-Time Adjectives… =-.

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Lana July 20, 2010 at 2:41 am

Joy, you comment meant so much to me. Thank you!

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Jeanne July 2, 2010 at 2:33 am

Gosh, Lana, I’ve not been here for awhile — but as always when I visit I find such wisdom. Isn’t positivity easy and natural when things are going our way, but to remain positive during this kind of re-direction of love is a testament to how grounded you are in truth.

Don’t laugh, but I look at your youthful picture and all I can think of is “out of the mouths of babes. . .” (I’m an old granny-type gal). Rock on, Lana!
.-= Jeanne´s last blog ..Indecision- Oh Indecision- =-.

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Lana July 20, 2010 at 2:40 am

hehe, I am glad to be a babe Jeanne, thank you so much!

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Boris July 19, 2010 at 3:22 am

Dear Lana,

Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts that you are experiencing during these challenging moments. Yes, Love is everywhere: Love is not only right next to you, but it is right within you.
All the best,
Boris
.-= Boris´s last blog ..Canadian experience is required… =-.

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Lana July 20, 2010 at 2:42 am

it is right within all of us. Thank you, Boris!

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Nathan August 16, 2010 at 9:11 pm

“Sometimes Love is not enough. Not enough to stay together. Not enough to be happy.”

This is a very true statement as sometimes love is what is needed to let someone go. I’m not sure that I agree with your line of thinking and do believe it’s ok to commit to forever. Most definitely you need to live in the present and grow together.

However, i’m coming from a perspective of one that has been married 19 years and have basically grown up and together with my best friend.

Great post, a lot to absorb and think about. Thanks for sharing and look forward to reading more!

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