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Project: Alive. Day 3. What prevents you from doing it?

We went for a walk in the woods yesterday. Just me and the kids. Nature walks and gateways with them make me feel alive. I will put it as a separate category on my list of alives.

I thought at first it would go somewhere in between creative activity and taking them places. But today I realized I specifically love exploring nature with them. When we look at different plants, pick up sticks and other little treasures to bring home, find bugs and colorful butterflies.

I always loved nature. I love experiencing it with kids. I love seeing their imagination at play. Nature provides so many opportunities for imagination to flourish and their little minds to develop. No amount of fancy toys can do that.

But I realized today that I don’t always allow myself to fully enjoy our nature outings. Like when I think we should hurry and get home on time to get other things done. Or when I have something else on my mind. I am not always present.

I am watching myself more closely in the past few days.

And I notice myself ruining my alive experiences right and left. I don’t allow myself to fully enjoy them. To fully emerge in them.

Alive is a conscious choice.

The choice we need to make every day. The choice to not only do what makes us feel alive but also to be present and enjoy it.

Consider this project to be an invitation. To give yourself a permission. To enjoy. To love. To savor your alive moments.

Give yourself this permission now.

Now that we have that out of the way, how are you doing? Are you working on your list?

If you were just reading and warming up to the idea of doing it, now is a great time to start.

Today we will start destroying the limitations (most are in our heads) that prevent us from doing and fully enjoying our alives.

Awareness is the first step as always. And we will start by asking some simple questions.

Look at the list of your alives that you’ve made and start going through each item on the list one at a time asking yourself these questions:

What prevents me from doing this more often? What prevents me from fully enjoying it?

Just write whatever comes to mind. Don’t try to figure out the solution just yet. Let’s take it one step at a time.

Here is my example:

The first thing I wrote on my alive list was – I feel alive when I do creative projects with my kids.

What prevents me from doing it more often and fully enjoying it?

Here are some things that come to mind immediately. I won’t edit or filter, I’ll just write.

I often don’t make it a point to do creative projects with them. During the days when we have a lot going on, I don’t make it a priority. Sometimes those days turn into weeks.

I often try to lead even though I discovered that the best way for all of us to have fun is to let them lead. I often try to direct the process the way I think it should go. And push my vision and expectations. It usually ruins everything.

I sometimes go overboard and plan too many activities for us and then I burn out and don’t want anything to do with them for a while.

Those are the things that come to mind right now. I am sure I’ll have more in the next few days.

I am going to do the same with every item on my list of alives. I’ll go through each item and write down things that I know prevent me from doing it more often and enjoying it fully.

Here is your task for this weekend:

Keep contemplating. If more things come up that make you feel alive, write them down.

Then go through each item on your list and think of all the things that prevent you from fully enjoying it, from being fully present when you are doing it and from doing it more often.

Most importantly consciously observe yourself.  You will start having insights now that your mind has a specific task at hand. Write your insights down.

–

I originally planned on doing this series on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, but I decided to add Mondays too as Tuesday sounded like a very long time until the next post. So I’ll talk to you on Monday.

I also created a special  email list, Alive email list (how cool does that sound, or maybe a little creepy) for those of you who want to get more personal and unfiltered insights and little reminders to keep you going. I’ll send emails every other day or so. This is for you if you really dig this project.

Please sign up below. And I’ll talk to you soon!

We respect your email privacy

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Project: Alive. Day 2. When do you feel like you are wasting your time?

Here is the paradox.

We want to do what makes us feel alive. We really do. It feels good to be alive. But we run away from it. There are other things on our to do lists. Other priorities.

I don’t know where we learned this weird way to prioritize.

Guilt is an important thing to watch out for. Guilt that says – you need to be doing something else, you are wasting your time.

It is so important to be productive in our culture. But what if we tried to slow down and shift our priorities from our to do lists to what our soul wants us to do lists. Maybe the to do list would get tackled faster as a result. And maybe we’ll get more creative and our big and bold dream won’t look as big and bold anymore. And will become quite doable. And we’ll start taking steps toward it. All because we allowed ourselves to slow down and pay more attention to things that make us feel alive before we pay attention to anything else.

When do you feel guilty doing something? When do you get the you are wasting your time kind of thoughts?

Yesterday I wrote that one of the things that make me feel alive is reading books that inspire me. It was hard for me to see it at first because I haven’t really read in a long time. I have tons of books that I started and never finished. I have tons of books in my head that I want to read. But I don’t read. And even if I allow myself to do it once in a while, I do it in a hurry. I don’t allow myself to fully enjoy it.

My plate is full right now with two babies to take care of.  I have a long list of to dos and reading is not on it. I don’t make time for it. I don’t remember when was the last time I dedicated the whole evening to curling up on the coach with a cup of tea and a book. Even thinking about it makes me feel weird. I have so many other things to do, are you kidding me?

So I didn’t even think of reading as one of my alives at first. But then I started remembering things that I feel guilty about if I ever allow myself to do them . Things that I love, but rush through. Because they are not my “priorities”. And it lead me to reading.

Did you make the list of your alives yesterday?

Today we are still working on it.

Think of when you get the - I am wasting my time, I should be doing something else kind of thoughts. What activities provoke those thoughts?  Is there your alive hiding somewhere there?

Obviously, if you are on Facebook and your mind is screaming – this is not what you need to be spending your time on, maybe you should listen.

Keep brainstorming today. Keep watching your feelings closely. Keep thinking of your alives and writing them down.

Tomorrow we’ll start dissecting each alive and figuring out what the right way to handle it is.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

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Project: Alive. Day 1.

Yesterday when I wrote the post about going on a Mission: Alive (by the way, mission is too dramatic, so we’ll call it a project) I felt that there was something that still wasn’t clear about my intentions behind doing it. Like I didn’t fully understand what I was trying to do myself.

Everything I wrote yesterday is true. I feel that figuring out the what makes me feel alive and how I can do more of it thing will change everything – how I relate to people, how I interact with my children and my husband, how I feel about myself… and much more. I feel that it will help me get unstuck. I feel that it will change things that need to be changed.

And those are great reasons to do it. Really, they are. But there was something else.

And today I realized what it was.

There is one thing.

Even though I said before that I don’t believe in one thing.

This one thing stands out. It is the one that brings me the most creative joy. And it is also the one that is one of the biggest sources of resistance at this point in my life.

I want to do this project to help me get unstuck in this one thing.

Why one thing?

I don’t believe in one thing when it comes to trying to find one passion, one life purpose, one big goal in life (whatever you call it).

But there is one thing at this point in your life that brings you the most creative joy. The one you are passionate about the most. The one that brings you the most aliveness. And the most resistance as a result.

This one thing might change completely tomorrow and another thing will stand out.

This one thing is not set in stone. And it is not predetermined.

But right now…right where you are, you have one thing.

For me it is writing. And creating products that will help people gain clarity, dare more and try more. This little blog is my one thing right now. It stands out.

My kids stand out too. They are my constant source of inspiration and creative joy and often frustration. But I feel less stuck when it comes to parenting them. In fact I almost don’t feel stuck at all. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated at times but not stuck.

So that’s probably the main reason why I want to do this project.

I believe that if I gain clarity on, learn how give a priority to all the things that make me feel alive, this one thing that stands out for me will start flowing easier. I will have less resistance doing this one thing. I will get unstuck where I am stuck with it.

I think it will do the same for you too.

So let’s start, shall we?

Project: Alive. Day 1.

Let’s ask some questions.

Tell me, what makes you feel alive? When do you feel alive? When do you experience that special high?

I started a notebook. I’ll also be documenting my insights on the blog. Please do the same. You have to write it down.

Seriously, find something to write on right now.

Our goal for this week is to dump everything out of our heads and put it on the paper.

We will do sorting, categorizing, prioritizing, weeding…etc later.

Right now let’s just take it out of your head.

Write everything that comes to mind.

Do you feel alive when creating culinary masterpieces for your family? Write it down. Do you feel alive when you are walking in the woods with your kids? Write it down. Write all the little and big things – your big alives and small alives.

Most importantly write down that one thing that stands out for you right now.

Here is what I have:

- I feel alive when I do creative projects with my kids. Or when I do something creative for them. When I come up with ideas that will engage their little minds. When I see their eyes sparkle. When I find a winner and they want to do it over and over again. When they surprise me during our creative endeavors. And they always do.

- I feel alive when I take them to new places. And old places that we love. I feel alive when I take them places, period. We love getting out of the house and have our little adventures.

- I feel alive when I create our own little special celebrations. When I create memories for them. It often takes extra effort, but I never mind.

- I feel alive when I engage in meaningful conversations with like-minded people.

- I feel alive when I travel. Explore. New places. New flavors. New beauty.

- I feel alive when I see beauty. It could be beauty that I found browsing Pinterest – like simple and clever room design. Or beauty of the forest. And the trees. And the sky.

- I feel alive when I read something that inspires me. Makes me think. Makes me ponder the possibility.

- I feel alive when I dream.

- And my main thing – I feel alive when I write. When I have an insight and share it and get an email from someone who found it valuable. I feel alive when I work one on one with people. And dream with them. Big Bold dreams. I feel alive when I see their Vision clearly. And help them see it. I feel alive when I lead. I liked doing it ever since I was a child. Group projects where I get to be the organizer, the leader – I love that.

Those are my alives, the ones I can think of right now. I suspect I’ll be adding to this list. I’ll be  watching myself closely and writing more down.

As you see, some of my alives are very general, some are much more specific. Right now I am writing down all the things that come to mind.

What are your alives? Make your list.

I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

–

If you know someone who needs this series please share this article with them. Thank you for reading. It makes me feel alive to write for you.

 

 

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I am going on a special mission. I hope you come along.

I haven’t been updating my blog recently because I had an idea brewing in my head. A project I wanted to share but couldn’t figure out the right way to do it. A nagging thought that kept coming back over and over again.

An inspiration. A revelation in a way.

But I couldn’t get fully clear on what it was. And what I wanted do with it.

But let me give you a little preface first.

I think I said it many times already, but this is one of my favorite quotes of all times.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -  Howard Thurman

 Alive.

What is alive? How to figure out what makes us feel alive?

How can we be more alive? Do more alive?

How would our lives change if we did?

I thought of how we don’t give alive a priority over other things on our to do list. How we are scared to give it a priority. How we allow autopilot to steer us away.

I thought of how we often don’t recognize it when it comes.

I thought of how I want to start paying close attention to my alive. And make it a priority over everything else.

Because I believe that it would change everything.

It would create a shift. It would help me get unstuck in places I couldn’t even see I was stuck. It would bring more love. More peace.

How can I do it? – I thought.

I need to be aware of all of the things that make me feel alive. I need to know exactly what those things are. All of them.

So I thought of starting to take pictures of when I get that special feeling. Then I thought of starting a journal. Then I thought of starting a challenge.

But it was all not very clear.

And then I had an insight.

We spent the weekend planning an outdoor playspace for the kids, browsing Pinterest for ideas and inspiration and going to Home Depot to get more ideas and inspiration. And we started our first real garden. Here are our sprouts.

My excitement might look silly to you, guys. But I am a city girl, I grew up in a small apartment, I never grew anything. So to say I am excited is an understatement. I am super excited my kids will have this experience.

I felt alive doing all that. But this time I closely observed this feeling. And since I was right in it, I was able to analyze it.

I was analyzing my aliveness. Sounds weird.

And I had an insight.

I realized that I didn’t fully understand before what alive meant.

I always thought it was a synonym for passion. And inspiration. And felling really good.

But now I figured the difference between feeling alive and simply feeling good or excited or passionate or inspired.

The difference is subtle sometimes. But it is there.

Alive is not necessarily about enjoyment. Even though enjoyment might be present. It is not about passion. Or excitement. Those are there but alive is something else too.

You might be inspired and passionate and feel good when you are shoe shopping, but it is not alive.

Alive is a special kind of high.

It is a weird mix of inspiration and urgency and love and pain sometimes.

Alive is more of a synonym to awake.

Alive doesn’t always feel good.

You need to know how to handle it. It easily turns into the source of frustration.  One day you feel good about it, next day you are burned out because you started expecting certain results from doing it and turned it into a chore.

Alive might also make you feel guilty. Like when you think you need to be doing something else instead of doing your alive. Or other people expect you to be doing something else. And, of course, you can’t fully enjoy it when you feel guilty.

Sometimes alive is scary. Because it involves taking risks, doing something outside of your comfort zone.

So alive is not all feel good, fly high kind of thing. Otherwise everyone would be doing it.

We give up. Because we don’t know how to handle alive. We don’t know that it needs special treatment.

So what can we do about it?

I am glad you asked. Because I decided to go on a mission.

Mission: Alive.

Starting tomorrow.

I hope you’ll come along.

The goal of the mission?

To find your alive. And learn how to keep it.

To figure out how to handle it so that it doesn’t turn into the source of frustration, fear, burnout. And so you don’t stop doing it.

Why?

Because once you figure it out you’ll be able to do more of your alive.  And inspire other people do more of their alive.

And then we’ll see people doing their alive everywhere we go. Just imagine that! Imagine how the world would change!

Or forget about the world. Let’s take care of ourselves first.

Think of how your life would change. Where would you get unstuck? Probably in many places.

I think it will change everything. I really do.

How we are going to do it, you ask?

I’ll be posting exercises here on the blog. And questions to ponder. And reminders. And share my experience and results along the way.

I’ll be doing it on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

We’ll do it for 30 days. Because I think it’s worth it to work on your aliveness for 30 days at least. We’ll see how it goes after that.

Are you in?

Let’s figure out this whole alive thing together. So that we can do more of it. More often. With more awareness. And more gusto.

And more love.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

–

These two little people make me feel alive at the moment.

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What would you do for free?

I love doing 1-1 sessions with people. I really do. You know the infamous question, the first one you should ask yourself when trying to find your passion – What would you do for free? -  I would do my one on one sessions for free. I swear I would. In fact in certain circumstances I would pay to do them.

I love the brainstorming process. I love how the chaos of thoughts and ideas gets organized into one harmonious and clear picture. I love the opportunity to dream big. Also, of course, since those are not my dreams, I have zero fear, attachment, resistance involved. That’s the best part. So I can dream big…like really big. My clients usually get uncomfortable. But that’s why you get coach. So that she or he can look at your vision through clear lens.

So I am rewriting my coaching page. I’ll make some changes to the way I do my 1-1 session, but I do want to keep them. For now anyway.

The point of this post?

If you are still trying to figure out your thing, ask yourself now – What would you do for free? What are you doing for free already? What would you pay to be able to do? How can you turn that into something that will pay you?

You might have one thing or several things. Choose the one to start with and start already.

 

 

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One question to ask yourself to find your why. So you can take action.

I like the live on your own terms crowd that we see around the blogosphere. I love people who preach living life on your own terms.

I love the advice that goes along the following:

Find your passion

Start doing it

Ignore fear

Continue doing it

Learn some techniques on how to grow your tribe, sell your services etc

Continue doing it

And soon you will be living your life on your own terms

I really like it. It’s a good advice.

But there are few things that I see wrong with it.

Number one is the emphasis on one thing. You know, Your Thing, your purpose, you soul calling, your passion. Whatever you call it. I wrote about it before. I shall repeat myself though.

I can have many things. Many passions. Many callings. And I might not be aware yet of many things that could be my things. As I expand my awareness, I’ll find more things.

What if instead of emphasizing the necessity to find one thing, we emphasized finding what makes us feel alive.

I bet there are at least a few things that make you feel alive.

We need more advice that tells us so. Because when you are looking for one thing, you are paralyzed with fear – What if I am wrong, what if this thing is not my thing and I need to do more “looking” to find that one and only. And you don’t take action, because you keep looking.

And even if there is one and only thing, people are much more likely to find it when the pressure to find it is off. When they just try everything that inspires them.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive ~ Howard Thurman

One of my favorite quotes. To rephrase it – Don’t ask yourself what your one thing is, ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do it.  

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, I am going to tell you what I promised in the headline of this post.

How to find your reasons why.

Because when you know your reasons why, you are much more likely to take action.

You know how everyone tells us why it is nice to do our own thing?  You’ll have control. You’ll have freedom. You’ll express yourself. You’ll be able to set your own rules. You’ll create something meaningful. You’ll live with passion.

All of those reasons are great. I want all of that. And I bet you do too.

But those reasons might not be your core why. You core why might be different. And it is important to find it because for many of us taking action in spite of resistance and fear is a hard thing to do without appropriate motivation. Unfortunately.

All other whys, no matter how great they are and how much you might want them, might not be strong enough to get you out of your comfort zone, to help you drop the resistance and face your fears. And take action.

So how do you find your core why?

You need to ask yourself one question.

What scares you the most about NOT doing your thing… or your things? Ever. Imagine that you’ll never live your purpose, never do what makes you feel alive, never go after your dreams. What scares you when you think about it?

Notice what thoughts come up? What do you feel?

That’s your core why surfacing. Write it down

My example?

When I think about never doing what makes me feel alive and not creating something meaningful in the world with it, I am scared because of the example that I will set for my kids.

I am scared that they will follow that example. In fact I am terrified when I think about it. When I think about them growing up and being afraid to follow their passions, to dare to be different, to do what makes them feel alive. I am scared that they will think that there is an option to not do what you love and be who you are. I am afraid that they will think that it is safer. And chose what’s safer.

Because I showed them that it’s ok.

That’s what scares me. That’s what my core why is.

And the next thing that scares me about not doing what makes me feel alive is what I will see when I look back at the end of my life.

I am afraid that I will see the potential. Unfulfilled. I will see time wasted. I will see lost opportunities. I will see fear. And I will see how stupid that fear was.

And then I am afraid I will see my children and grandchildren following that example. Unfulfilling their potential. Living in fear. Not living their passions. Not knowing who they are.

And that, my friends, scares the shit out of me.

Those are my whys.

What are yours?

What do you do with them once you find them? I don’t know. I haven’t done anything with mine yet. Maybe printing them and hanging them where you’ll see them will help to inspire and motivate you. I would think so. So I am going to do that.

–

I know I haven’t done any personal updates lately. For whatever reason, I didn’t feel like it. Our Easter was magical here. And Easter Bunny showed up with lots of eggs and little surprises. Hope yours was great too if you celebrated.

 

 

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