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Sex and Money – Two Of The Most Powerful Tools For Conscious Growth …Are They?

There are two things we don’t talk nearly enough about  in our society and don’t have nearly enough clarity around.

Sex and Money.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine that led me to thinking about why it is the case.

Why are we not clear about sex and money? With others.  And most importantly with ourselves.

Why are there so much miscommunication, hiding, shame around these two topics? Quite important topics. If not to say – vital for our survival.

Why is it often a taboo to talk about sex and money openly? Why so often we are not clear with ourselves on our thoughts and feelings regarding both? And how does it affect our growth, freedom and happiness?

Privacy? I don’t think it’s just the matter of privacy.

When Steve Pavlina started posting all over his blog and social media about his D/s explorations earlier this year, I’ll be honest, I was a bit ummm…surprised in the beginning.

And I clearly remember the first thought I had regarding the whole thing.  Ego. Overindulgence of Ego.

The label was put right away.

Good thing I am quite conscious about my own reactions these days, so I stopped and reconsidered right away.  I read more. I thought about it. And I realized that no, it’s not about the Ego.

One of the enlightened teachers once said: “It is Ego, that wants to get rid of the Ego.” Think about this sentence for a minute.

Steve Pavlina seems to understand it quite well. He is not resisting any part of himself. He is clear on what his desires are. He goes and gets what he wants. And he sees no need in hiding it, even though it might not fit the box of socially accepted norms and regulations. That’s Wholeness, in my opinion.

Why most of us can’t have such Clarity?

Why can’t we talk openly about our desires, frustrations, thoughts, feelings around sex and money? Where does that shame come from?

I think mostly from the belief that sex and money are not spiritual. That’s why my first reaction to Steve Pavlina and his explorations was  – Ego.  I think on a  conscious level most of us overcame money vs spirituality  block, but subconsciously it still sits inside of us.

Sex and money are the realms of Ego not Spirit.

Are they really?

Let’s look at sex and money from a spiritual perspective.

One thing that Steve Pavlina did mention many times was that D/s exploration helped him grow a lot. Because it stretched his comfort zone quite a bit. And we all know that growth is really impossible without going out of your comfort zone.

I’d add that the experience also helped him to learn more about himself and other people, which is also a vital component of growth and becoming a better and happier person.

Spirituality is all about growth. It is also all about Freedom. Our spirit wants us to go further, reach higher, learn more about ourselves. Know Thyself has been proclaimed for centuries the key to happiness and purpose driven life. It is also the key to Freedom.

Sex definitely can help us with that if we are not afraid to use it for those purposes.

Money is the same thing. How can we do anything in our society without money? They say 2012 is coming and things will change. Ummm, I don’t know. Let’s live here and now.

Right now how can we grow without money or without desire to have money?  When we want to take our income to the next level, that requires a whole new set of thinking and acting. That requires going out of your comfort zone and stretching your limits.

I won’t even mention the fact that without money most of us are stuck in a rat where there is little opportunity to explore ourselves or the world around us. Without money Freedom is a hard to gain thing. Of course, there is a whole bunch of different topics that come up on how much is enough for Freedom and how to make money doing what you love etc, but those are different topics.

So how can money and sex be non spiritual?

Not only are they NOT non spiritual. They are the best and the most powerful spiritual tools for growth, self expression and happiness after all.

Your Spirit wants you to go after them. Your Spirit wants you to use them!

The question is – why don’t we use them nearly enough?

So today I invite you to talk about sex and money. No, not with me (unless you want to, of course), but with yourself.

Let’s get more Clarity, since Clarity is the most important step. After you are truly clear, everything else seems to start falling into place automatically.

Ask yourself these questions.

What do I feel and think about my current sex life? Am I stuck in a place that limits my growth? How can I better utilize sex for growth? What exactly do I want to experience? What new things do I want to try? What needs to change in my current reality in order for me to experience that?

Am I happy with my financial situation? How much more money do I want?(be specific). How much do I want to make a week, a month, a year? How much do I want to save? How much do I want to spend and on what?

Get truly clear.

What can I start doing to reach my goals?

So often we say – I want more money. And then life sends us a dollar and we are not happy. That’s exactly what you asked for! Be specific. Get truly clear. Be honest with yourself. If you are not meeting your financial goals, say – “Yes, it sucks”

Admit your current situation first. And then get truly clear on what you want changed and what you are going to start doing to change it.

Remember, Clarity is often 90% of the deal if not more. Once you are truly clear, your mind starts sending you ideas and noticing opportunities. Most importantly you start taking action.

Some people say: “I want to get clear but what if it is not exactly what I want?”

That’s where the growth component comes into play. You might fail. You might get it just to find out that it is not really the right thing for you.  But you’ll grow. And you’ll get clearer. And you’ll get closer to what you truly do want.

And your Spirit, your Higher Self will be happy because you are not sitting still, you are moving, you are making a progress, you are taking risks and you are growing. That’s what you came here to this Earth to do.

And now would be a great time for me to blog about my sex and money goals, desires, thoughts and feelings. I won’t say much today. One thing I’ll say though is that I am on the way to making as much money as I want/need and I am taking the necessary steps and risks. I let go of fear and I am committed to going out of my comfort zone. Not there yet and it does suck (I wish things were happening quicker…..like overnight would be nice), but I am clear and I am making a progress. Most importantly I immensely enjoy the process and feel that I am living my purpose, have meaning and am close to freedom.

Sex. The next person I will be with is going to be very open minded, creative and highly conscious about the topic. I don’t promise to blog about my explorations and experiences (I might, if there are some valuable lessons to be shared) but I do promise to be very clear with myself.

Now is your turn. Get clear.

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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeremy Johnson April 15, 2010 at 3:18 am

This was a powerful post Lana. There seems to be a ‘fear’ of talking about sex in particular due to fear of getting mocked or laughed at – or something. I will admit fully – there were some things you mentioned here I need to take a good hard look at in my life, in both areas. And both will require me going out of my comfort zone.

It seems like this post flowed for you when you were writing it – that is, you wrote it without having to do much pausing, as if flood gates were open. Just curious to know if that was the case.

So the next step for me is getting clear about these two things and what I want. That seems to be an area lacking in my life. Real and detailed clarity. I believe I am clear on a ‘general’ level. But real specifics, that is something for me to think about. You’ve really pricked my mind with this post, thank you.
.-= Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..Approach Motivation and Avoidance Motivation =-.

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Lana April 15, 2010 at 5:57 am

Jeremy, you are totally right, it just flowed. In fact iw anted to write about something completely different but then this post came out of me. I am glad I got you thinking. And I am here to talk if you need to.

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Joy April 15, 2010 at 3:26 am

My first thought while reading this post is that sex and money require you to know yourself well and to be completely free of expectations and constraints to fully enjoy either. An awareness many people are uncomfortable with. They are both of this world, as are other resources, yet can bring you a spiritual awereness/growth if you embrace them fully as they apply to you.
I think society has so many “should’s” and “should not’s” regarding sex and money that you have to be quite comfortable with yourself to let your heart lead and remain fully open in these areas. I think a lot of people conform to what society dictates in both of these areas so are ‘stuck” and that being stuck transfers to other areas in life.
I also do chakra work, and have found that sex and money are within the same chakra. So they are completely intertwined–your perspective and actions in one area is then reflected and duplicated in another. And your body absorbs that and manifests accordingly.
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Transparent beauty….. =-.

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Lana April 15, 2010 at 5:59 am

wow, Joy, I didn’t know about chakras. totally intertwined, makes absolute sense. Thanks for sharing!

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Genia Larionova April 15, 2010 at 3:34 am

“Why is it often a taboo to talk about sex and money openly?”
My answer – religion and superstitions.
.-= Genia Larionova´s last blog ..Kids. Before and After. =-.

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Lana April 15, 2010 at 6:00 am

I agree with your answer dear:)

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JB King April 15, 2010 at 4:12 am

Personally, a key point on this is how much was this discussed within the communities and families that we call home. I really don’t ever remember my parents discussing sex with me and thus while I had a lot of intellectual knowledge on the subject, my experiential knowledge was more than a little lacking. Money though is a subject I know a great deal more about, partially because of how it ties into my love of numbers but also in that I saw it used as a powerful tool growing up in terms of how my mother dominated my father, or at least that is how I saw it. How many people openly disclose their salaries? Aside from athletes and rock stars that is. 🙂

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Lana April 15, 2010 at 6:02 am

Exactly JB, not many people disclose their salaries. We just don’t talk about it these topics. and yes, it all comes from families. Norms…boxes…

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Dragos Roua April 15, 2010 at 5:03 am

Thank you for writing about those topics, Lana. I want to share a little thing I learned about that: every time I had an important breakthrough in my life, I had a huge sexual burst. The same thing happened with money too, although it seemed it was rather the lack of it which triggered the growth, as opposed to the overflow of the sexual energy.

Sexual energy is the energy of life, we’re born because of that energy. Denying it will be like subscribing to death. And as of money, I truly think that they are pure energy declined into matter. In itself, money is just raw energy, but once you learn how to use it (wearing some safety gloves like a goal, for instance) it will bring tremendous advantages.

That was inspiring, thank you.
.-= Dragos Roua´s last blog ..Ebooks, Ebooks, Ebooks… and Friends =-.

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Lana April 15, 2010 at 6:07 am

thank you, Dragos for sharing your experience. I guess sex and money are like barometers that show the degree of growth. They also trigger growth in the first place. It’s hard to measure breakthrough in and off itself, so these two things show us in a way that breakthrough happened.

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Ben April 15, 2010 at 8:49 am

This is a really interesting post Lana. Thanks for sharing it.

I spent the last few days actually redefining some of my financial goals and that has brought me a lot of clarity.

Thinking about it I don’t have any sexual relationship goals. Which is weird when I think about it because I have goals in nearly every other area of my life.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..A call to arms! Be Courageous =-.

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Lana April 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm

maybe its time to set those goals as well, Ben? or maybe you don’t need them at this point in your life.

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Tess The Bold Life April 15, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Hi Lana,
Sure am glad I stopped over today! I like you thought ego and judgement. I have (had) the same thoughts about Wayne Dyer and all of his marriages and divorces. I have to admit I’m a bit old fashioned with the marriage stuff. Even thought I’m not against divore at all! Or maybe I just thought I wasn’t? You gave me a lot of food for thought.

It was Byron Katie who helped me expand my mind and heart and “drop my story” about sex and money. I think you could do a book on this and have a best seller. Because you are bold and clear! It’s your courage to write about what everyone else wishes they could that keeps me coming back for more.

Also like Dragos said in his list…you’re one to watch in 2010 and I’ll add…and beyond! Happy Thursday!

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Lana April 16, 2010 at 3:07 am

Tess, dear, thank you, you made my day with your nice words:) I had some thoughts regarding Wayne Dyer too. But divorce is necessary sometimes. I think.

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suzen April 15, 2010 at 10:21 pm

Hi Lana! BINGO! Did you know that those two – sex and money – were the two most popular causes of divorce? I worked for an attorney decades ago, he’d been in the business of law for 40 years and he assured me that when you got thru all the “details” these were the most common reasons for divorce!

You ought to have this article in some pre-marital counseling (mandatory type) class to really help people realize the truth about these topics. Your writing and points are superb!!!
Hugs
SuZen
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Unpacking and Visiting =-.

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Lana April 16, 2010 at 3:15 am

Thank you Suzen. I do think we need more awareness and openness around these topics.

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rob white April 15, 2010 at 10:40 pm

Hi Lana, indeed money is a measure in our society. It is one I’ve used to calibrate my own success. Of course it is not all about the material things, as those are quite shallow and fleeting. It is knowing I’ve created a grander and grander version of myself. There is a genius and expression to attracting money just like any other creative expression. Money and Sex Energy are inextricably linked. I feel that sex energy when properly channeled leads to huge breakthroughs. To paraphrase Einstein, “Good math is like good sex.”
.-= rob white´s last blog ..What’s Cooking Inside of You? =-.

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Lana April 16, 2010 at 3:16 am

haha, I like Einstein’s quote, Rob!

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J.D. Meier April 16, 2010 at 2:50 am

Dolphins “do it” to feel good, right?

I think part of the lack of clarity is distinguishing between “ends” goals and “means” goals.

Money is a “means” goal … whether to afford shelter, food, or health if you’re below the line, and if you’re above the line, to feel “safe” or “freedom” … etc. (this is where values come in)

I think feelings are the ultimate driver and a key to our experience on Earth — less pain, more pleasure, feel safe, feel alive, feel adventure … etc.

So maybe one commonality with sex and money, is “feel good.”
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..3 Ways to Get Unstuck =-.

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Lana April 16, 2010 at 3:03 am

that’s definitely a commonality, J.D.:)

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Bubi January 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Deep thought! Thanks for conturibtnig.

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Phil - Less Ordinary Living April 16, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Lana –

You were clearly on a roll with this post. Two huge topics and I’d love to see more from you on these. In my opinion, these topics are taboo because they open up our true self to the world when we share. There is fear around being authentic and clear with the world. You are right that it makes sense to start by being clear with ourselves about what is authentic, and then practice sharing.

For me, I’m pretty open about money and don’t have hangups about it. Sex is a trickier topic and one that I prefer to keep private. Guess that is just my hang up!

Phil
.-= Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..How to stop holding yourself back and make it happen =-.

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Lana April 17, 2010 at 4:56 am

I think you said it perfectly, Phil, these two topics make us too vulnerable that’s why we are not open enough about them.

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Anastasiya April 16, 2010 at 3:05 pm

I think that taboo on sex and money comes from the tradition. When children grow up their parents usually do not allow any conversations about sex and even the very thought is already considered sinful. If we hold on to the beliefs of a child who is scared that his/her parent will find out that they actually have sex in their lives then we are afraid to talk about these topic even with our partners (a practice that brings only dissatisfaction and conflict into the life.)
Money – I never felt any taboos about money myself. I guess the reason why a lot of times we don’t speak openly about money is because this topic can spoil friendship or drop seeds of envy and jealousy into the hearts of people around us. Even if we don’t get consumed by envy we don’t want to lose our friends because of this dark feeling.
There are two people each of us has to be absolutely open with regarding sex and money: thyself and our partner. I don’t think that the rest of the world really needs to know what is going on in your bed or in your wallet. Just my opinion 🙂
.-= Anastasiya´s last blog ..6 Anti-Rules of Successful Communication and Friendship =-.

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Lana April 17, 2010 at 4:57 am

thanks for your opinion, Anastasiya!

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Xavi Ojeda April 16, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Hi Lana,

Thank you so much for this post! I love when someone talks about these juicy and controvert subjects which all the people think. So congratulations for your dare to post it! It’s a pity not to talk about it having a drink or a cup of coffee. Through internet you miss something personal. I love to talk about these and other themes with friends and even with workmates. You can agree or not but always you learn something from others. I remember now a subject: If your couple cheats on you just one time would you like him/her to tell you? What is better?

First of all Lana, sorry about my english is difficult to find express to myself in these things in a foreign language although I love english.

Well, let’s get to the point. I agree with you about money and sex are very powerful, but I think they are not goals itself. For me they are mediums which can help me to grow my happiness and freedom or not. Depends how I use them. You can grow as a person having great sex with the person whom you love, showing him/her your love, and sex is awesome but it’s not the core of your happiness or freedom. And also I would open my focus not saying just sex but sexuality, which I think embraces more points of our person. I think you are not free if this freedom doesn’t start inside yourself. You told very well we always, as spiritual beings too, are searching for higher things and values. These empower and make us more free, because we have seeds of eternity inside us. Is not the desire to have money or having it which makes me happy, is the desire to make something great with this money which can help me to be happier.

For example how a great business man whom I knew in Mexico many years ago with lots and lots of money, could told to a group of friends “I’m not happy and I don’t feel free”. What?? You are a lot of men dream come true! You can do whatever you want! Have the girl you want, the house, car, holidays, etc… And how a catholic bishop from Vietnam was in prison in China during many years (in fact he died in prison) because he was teaching the christian faith could say a long his days in prison “I’m free…”

Sorry Lana for this long post, we could talk long about this. Have a great day!!

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Lana April 17, 2010 at 5:00 am

Xavi, wow, thanks for your comment! I agree that sex and money are only means to an end, not end in itself. And I wanted to otuch upon the point that true freedom comes when not only you are not afraid to go after as much money/sex that you want but at the same time you are not attached. Happiness starts within for sure.
P.S. your english is great. mine is not much better:)

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Xavi Ojeda April 18, 2010 at 12:17 am

Thank you Lana! You are very kind! 🙂
.-= Xavi Ojeda´s last blog ..Enjoy the party, don’t look so anxious =-.

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Boris April 17, 2010 at 11:55 am

Lana,
Sex and money are topics that attract a lot of attention and they are polemic because everybody has a different perception about them. Even there are some religions that consider money and sex as sinful!
For me money and sex are two expressions of energy that can be used for good or bad. Your intentions and your awareness will make the difference.
The best thing of your post? Lana, you have us thinking and questioning our beliefs. Great post!
All the best,
Boris
.-= Boris´s last blog ..Three ways to stay detached from the immediate result =-.

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Lana April 18, 2010 at 4:21 am

Questioning our beliefs is definitely one thing we can do to change our lives. Thanks for commenting Boris!

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Farnoosh ~ Prolific Living April 18, 2010 at 2:13 am

So this is the much debated post, Lana!? I finally got around to reading your words here. Honestly I have no idea what the fuss is. From day 1, I was quite clear with my (initially shocked) husband-boyfriend-then about what I expect on both matters, 🙂 and if you can’t talk about these things clearly, leaving all assumptions on the table, then you will face consequences. Living a life of pretense is much easier than having these brave gutsy conversations, but in the end, it is nothing compared to the complexity that gets built when we ignore the topics. So way to go!

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Lana April 18, 2010 at 4:25 am

I loved how you put it Farnoosh, ignoring is easier in the beginning, but definitely comes back to you at the end. Good for you for being clear with your husband.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills April 18, 2010 at 2:58 am

Hi Lana, I think that to really be in the flow of life, clarity needs to define our entire life, not just certain aspects of it. You made one little statement that speaks to the reason why some people often don’t get clear in some areas of life. You said “Admit your current situation first.”

This kind of self-honesty is something that often has avoidance issues attached to it. In that case, honesty may have been replaced with denial or self-deception. Sex and money are very emotionally charged subjects, especially If a person doesn’t like their current reality.

Once we get honestly clear about where we are (including any emotional issues) then we can get clear about the rest.
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..How Our Relationships Reveal Our Beliefs =-.

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Lana April 18, 2010 at 4:28 am

I agree Jonathan and know exactly what you are talking about. Avoidance is comfortable. Getting clear takes courage.

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Rigo Perrella April 19, 2010 at 11:03 am

Hi lana sex and money would not be so much a problem, if we are in touch with our true self, and have a healthy good ego, and look at things in a spiritual way, just like Wayne Dyer and Guy Finley talk and feel about the subject, your website is very nice keep up the great work.

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Lana April 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm

thanks Rigo, totally agree with you!

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Amit Sodha - The Power Of Choice April 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Awesome post Lana,

Many people would almost cringe at the thought of reading something like this let alone write it. I’ve finally gotten to a place where I am much more comfortable, not only talking about, but exploring my views and values around sex and money and discussing them openly.

It’s amazing how many people don’t understand it when I do but I have to accept to that they’re own path has not led them to be where they are as yet and so they might not be ready.

Nice to read a thought provoking post on a Monday!
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..69 Simple Tips To Increase Your Profile =-.

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Lana April 19, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Amit, I agree not everyone can take discussions like this one consciously. I had to delete couple of my facebook “friends” after stupid messages I got from them regarding this post. If anything, helps me refine the list of people I am surrounded with. Thanks for stopping by.

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Linda @ New Age of Self Help April 21, 2010 at 3:02 am

Interesting insight, Lana! Thank you for sharing this. I think that people associate sex and money with non-spiritual things because any excess of these two can lead to harmful behavior. I think that moderation is the key; money and sex can be a tool for one’s motivation, whether it’s physical, spiritual, or emotional motivation. It’s how a person uses sex or money, or sex and money, to inspire him to be his best self.

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Kristie Ryan April 22, 2010 at 2:11 am

Hi there Lana,

I was thinking about this same question today when a coworker of mine asked if my boyfriend’s new job paid well. I said yes, but didn’t give her an exact amount. I thought about it later and whether it would have been “appropriate” to tell her the amount, because I’m sure she was curious. I didn’t feel compelled to say anything and she didn’t want to ask. Anyhow, it’s just weird how people are with money. I believe it is our own personal business, but I also like to discuss different avenues of success with money with other people.

The sex topic is very interesting for me as well. I grew up with liberal parents, but they were never open about sex. I’ve always been kind of conservative when talking to others about it, but when the topic does come up, it is anything but boring. I think there can definitely be some improvement there.

Thanks for inspiring me to really answer these questions. It really does help to answer them and regain focus. It will make the steps I need to take that much easier and motivating!

Kristie

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Nea | Self Improvement Saga September 19, 2010 at 1:00 am

Great post. It took a lot of courage to share this. I don’t think there’s anything that is non-spiritual. Everything is energy and our experience with things are in large part related to where we are spiritually. Religion tells us something very different, but that’s not the path I follow.

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Patala December 9, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Hello..+

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