Hi! I moved to a new place. I would love for you to visit me there.

Are You Still Looking For Validation? (+ personal updates )

Along with the ups and downs of my divorce and the unexpected entrance of a new {amazing} relationship into my life, I was doing a lot of inner work to help me gain more awareness and clarity and get rid of some of my fears that I had.

Some things scared me. Some didn’t surprise me at all. One of the biggest fears I became aware of that was literally determining what I did professionally, my relationships (especially romantic relationships) and much more was my fear of rejection.

Most of it was coming from my childhood and the fact that I grew up without a farther and always felt rejection because of his absence in my life. This fear explained a lot of the things to me starting from why I dated a certain type of man, relationship patterns I had with friends and family members to why I often tend to procrastinate starting something new and big and why I always had a desire for standing out, being noticed for who I am.

Anyway, this post is not about my fears. I became aware of them and let them go. At least I hope I did.

This post is to tell you about my professional or “vocational” plans for the future and some of the lessons I learned on my path.

Getting clear on my fear of rejection helped me realize that I was afraid to embrace and claim my true value. I believe a lot of us do that. I never fully believed that what I have to offer to the world is truly useful and valuable.  (Plus what will others say about me?)

We often take what we already know for granted. It seems to us that no one really needs what we have to offer or that they already know it or that there is someone else out there who is more qualified than we are to do what we want to do.

Even though all of us, all without exception, have some knowledge or skill that others would benefit greatly from, we often resist to fully embrace it.

There will always be someone out there who knows more than you do. But there will always be someone who knows less and who needs you to share your knowledge and experience with them.

People who need you and what you have to offer will come to you.

All you really have to do is to embrace your gift and start offering it.

I was always too scared to call myself a business and/or branding coach. I thought that my reputation is not enough to back up my claims. (What will others say about me? What will they think? – Fear of rejection kicking in)

And even though I have great success stories from my clients, I didn’t feel qualified. I needed someone to give me validation.

The only person who can validate you is you yourself.

I realized that if I truly believe in my value and if I see tangible results from people who worked with me, all I have to do is to offer. Those who need what I have to offer will come. Those who don’t  – won’t.

It really is that simple (by the way, you are also absolutely allowed to reject clients, this way you can truly work only with those who you feel you can help).

I’ve done clarity sessions in the past helping people get clear on their authentic vocation. I am taking it further now. I now offer business brainstorming sessions where I can help you get clear on your unique value, your authentic brand, your core brand message and much more. And I also start offering branding packages for those who are starting out.

I’ve done that in the past already. I just called it differently.

I still feel highly uncomfortable calling myself a coach. So we’ll brainstorm. Sounds so much better to me.

This blog will always be about clarity and self-discovery as those are the cornerstones of everything I do but I’ll also start writing about entrepreneurship, marketing, discovering and branding your passion.

I also plan on starting local workshops related to authentic branding.

Fully embracing and allowing myself to be who I am has been a long journey but I don’t regret any step of the way.  All of those steps were leading me closer to my vision.

What is your value that you are looking for validation in order to fully embrace? What do you want to do but don’t feel you are fully qualified to start doing? Where in your life does fear of rejection stop you from fully sharing your unique gifts with the world?

Claim your value. Give yourself permission to be who you want to be. Sharing your gift is truly the only thing that matters.

Allow yourself to do it. The World validates you.

P.S. My divorce is coming to a conclusion for those who are wondering. Thank you for all of your support, guys, and for sticking with me. I feel bad because I kept promising to start writing on the blog consistently again and didn’t keep my promises. All I can do is admit it and move on now. Life is coming back to normal and I am back to sharing my journey with you here on this blog.

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Topi August 23, 2010 at 10:29 am

Hi Lana,
I do so love it when I see a new post from you turn up in my blog list! When I don’t hear from you for a while, I wonder where you are, what you’re up to. I’m so very glad to hear that the current chapter of your life is coming to a close, and you’re fearlessly moving into the next one – it will be bigger, brighter, more amazing. You’re that kind of person. As a new business owner, who’s still developing their brand, I can’t wait to read your new material. I’m so looking forward to it 🙂 Until then, keep happy.
Topi

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Lana August 23, 2010 at 8:29 pm

Topi, dear, I appreciate your support, as always!

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Genia August 23, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Lana, Great! Love the new look of your blog! Like “brainstorm” instead of “coaching”:-)
And waiting for local workshops related to authentic branding.
Good Luck!!!

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Lana August 23, 2010 at 8:30 pm

The new look is so would not happen without you, my dear. so thank You!

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brook marlowe August 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm

hi lana thank you so much for sharing you life experiences there so good to learn from and i really feel in alot of ways i can relate. the new opertunities sound great ! thank you again for sharing!

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Lana August 23, 2010 at 8:30 pm

Thank you Brook, I hope all is great in your life!

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Luda August 23, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Lana:
Don’t be harsh to yourself. May be your tried to do as much things at once just not to do the one main thing (as we all tend to do:)) Even you skip some promises, at least you found time for yourself. As all fly attendants instructed: In case of emergency put mask on YOURSELF FIRST ! So if you will not survive, never do we:))
It was really hard to me come to your meetings (both Russian and English), but I always asked for feedback and now could write reviews based on it:))
Everyone keeping told me how enrichment and useful it was and how much strength and confidence you have.
Just stay yourself and we follow:))

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Lana August 23, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Thank you, my dear, i hope to see you soon:)

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Hilary August 24, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Hi Lana .. the most important thing is to come through .. in one piece, perhaps with some lessons learnt, but we can’t do it all .. and life will be ..

Wishing you the best – Hilary

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Lana August 26, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Life will be Hilary, that’s so true. thank you for your support!

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Nadia Ballas Ruta ~ Happy Lotus Lifestyles August 26, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Hey Lana,

For the last six months, I have been working on the design of my new site and so I read your blog in silence. It is a joy to be back and to be able to comment again.

Ironically…on my first post of my new site, I write a little about validation. Validation can never be found in external things. Only you can validate yourself and it does not matter what anyone else thinks of you.

We are all works in progress. None of us has all the answers. Be gentle with yourself and just know you are finding your way…like we all are.

You have many gifts to share and you share them beautifully! I look forward to seeing where your journey takes you!

With love and blessings!

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Lana August 26, 2010 at 8:05 pm

Nadia, I love your new site and so excited for you. Glad you are back and I look forward to sharing with you.

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Monica August 29, 2010 at 7:48 pm

HI Lana!
It’s great to be back on your site – as you may have gathered, I have been busy working on my vision (that we clarified during our insightful session together!) and preparing to launch in the fall. Yeeks!

I am currently working through REALLY getting out there due to that sticky fear of rejection issue – most specifically in claiming my knowledge and regarding myself as an “expert” that can guide others even though I do not (yet) have a history of taking clients.

Your post is a great reminder to me that that doing what I love and sharing it with others is all the “approval” I really need. Also, FYI, your suggestions on EFT were so valuable and it continues to help me remove limiting programs/beliefs that keep me from really stepping out there. Thank you. I’m excited to finally share the vision we worked on together in the near future.
I love where you are going with your business and “brainstorming” is a perfect fit IMO as that is just what we did – the key to you though, is that I really admired how you put your whole heart and soul into helping me get clear. That is value.

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Lana September 5, 2010 at 6:29 am

Monica, I am so glad to see you here and thank you so much for the kind words. I cannot wait to see your vision coming true, you have so much to share with the world. We all have our rejection issues, the key I think is to focus on sharing your gift any way you can. Forget about everything else – money, clients – all of that. Just offer to share your gift, those who need it will come.

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suzen August 30, 2010 at 9:37 pm

Hi Lana! You sound so positively re-charged now! This is wonderful. We all go thru times of fear and uncertainty but you are not the type of person that will let that curb your enthusiasm and zest for life! Which is really wonderful!

Brainstorming is a must I believe, for just about everything! It helps to clarify and to get creative. I think it’s an absolute requirement! And yours is leading you to great things! I always wish you the best!
hugs
suzen

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Lana September 5, 2010 at 6:29 am

Dear suzen, I always appreciate your support!

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Elle Richardson September 8, 2010 at 10:21 pm

All I can say is “thank you.” I can relate to every single word in this post. Wow. Again, just shows me how similar and connected we all are.

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