Hi! I moved to a new place. I would love for you to visit me there.

One Thing Everyone Wants

I see you, AVATARI used to think that we all want to be accepted. Isn’t it why we do most of the things that we do – try to lose weight, try to make more money, find love, become a better person.

One way or another we are doing all of that to be accepted and approved by others.

This desire is ingrained in our brain. We want acceptance, we want approval.

Avatar changed this for me though. Awesome movie by the way, highly recommend it.

“I see you”.

This phrase struck me in the heart.

This is the phrase the people of Pandora used in the movie to greet each other –  I see you.

Forget acceptance. This is what we all want – to be seen.  We want to be clearly seen. We want to be seen for who we are. Acceptance is great but being clearly seen is so much more important.

Not convinced? Would you rather people see who you truly are, what is special about you, how you are different… or accepted and approved you? Ideally it would be great to have both, but I think if we had to choose we’d always choose to be clearly seen than accepted.

I had a person in my life who loved to argue with me. He used to want to prove that I was wrong all the time. He did not accept me.

But he saw me. He knew even the small things about me that made me special and different. He saw me for who I truly was and I loved it.

Being clearly seen makes us feel special.  It makes us feel that we are making a difference in this world by being a part of it, that the world wouldn’t be complete if we were not here.

Want to make people happy? See them. See unto them.

How?

Look into their eyes. Actually listen to what they have to say. Be present. Don’t rush.

Ask yourself–what is unique about this person? What does he want to be noticed for? You’ll hear the answers. We are all one anyway, you’ll know what it is if you ask.

Even with total strangers, just ask yourself and listen. You’ll hear the answer. You’ll know what they want to be noticed for.

It might be something very small, but if you notice that small feature about them, you’ll make their day.

Change your focus from yourself to that person.  But don’t fake it. Truly care.

Most importantly, repeat to yourself – I see you. If there is not enough time or you don’t know what to say, you don’t have to speak, just look at them and send the signal silently – I see you.

They’ll feel it. They will know it.

And they will want to return the favor. And you’ll make each other a little bit happier. And you’ll make the day a little bit brighter. And you’ll make the world a better place to live.

Just see the person in front of you.

It might be your friend or your partner or a cashier at the store. See them. See unto them.

By the way – I see you. And I think you are pretty awesome.

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February 25, 2010 at 7:28 pm

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

J.D. Meier January 23, 2010 at 1:40 am

Clearly seen over accepted … I like that.
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..If It’s Not Working, Change Your Approach =-.

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Anastasiya January 23, 2010 at 1:53 am

I loved Avatar when I watched it and I am sure that there is more to the movie than an interesting script and 3D special effects. I like how you focused your post around this movie.
Your concept of SEEING people rather than accepting (and especially ignoring) them is so true. I see you too Lana!
.-= Anastasiya´s last blog ..10 Ways to Practice Mindfulness and Reach Life Balance =-.

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Jeanne January 23, 2010 at 5:14 am

Lana, what a beautiful message you have here. I’ve never thought of “seeing” vs “accepting” but I think this is an incredibly important difference. I absolutely get what you’re saying, and I embrace it.

Look into their eyes — this is always the first thing I notice about someone, and here is where I find my connection to them. It must be true, the eyes are the window to the soul. Thanks for seeing me — I see you right back, and you are indeed lovely.
.-= Jeanne´s last blog ..Message in the Fog =-.

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Lana January 23, 2010 at 7:55 am

@J.D. thanks – ideally would be great to have both of course, but if we have to choose…:)

@ Anastasiya, I know ignoring is the worst. Thank you for commenting, hope you are doing well!

@Jeanne I never thought of this difference either until I saw the movie. Thank you, you are so lovely too!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..One Thing Everyone Wants =-.

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Eduard @ Ideas With A Kick January 23, 2010 at 11:06 am

Hey Lana,

I think most of us want to be seen as we are and be accepted like that (hehehe :)) But when we don’t believe we can have both, we compromise at one of them. Some people compromise at being seen. They fake themselves to get approval. In the end, I believe this goes against their happiness.

Eduard

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Tess The Bold Life January 23, 2010 at 3:14 pm

This is so true! I used “we are one,” to see my sons-in-laws in a different light and this is the same thing. I now see us as one. I can say I believe this but until there is no one I separate myself from I’m not walking my talk.

I will practice, “I see you” this week and also need to go see the movie!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..How to Build a Winning Work Ethic =-.

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Mahalingesh January 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Lovely!

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Lana January 23, 2010 at 9:59 pm

@ Eduard, no faking definitely won’t bring happiness, you are right. Thanks for commenting!

@Tess Defnitely see the movie, I loved it. I can totally relate to what you are saying, speaking about it and living it are totally different things. I am now practicing living, it works so far.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
.-= Lana´s last blog ..One Thing Everyone Wants =-.

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Jenn January 23, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Lana, I enjoyed this post thoroughly! So much truth is shared here and yet so simply and beautifully expressed. This is the very topic I’ve been thinking of lately in my journey of wanting to “be transparent in love” and truly be seen for who I am from authentic being. As I read this today I thought of this:
“I cannot protect who I am and be clear about who I am at the same time.”
I enjoyed Avatar as well and it had a lot of symbolism for me as well.
I appreciated this line you shared most of all: “Just see the person in front of you.” this is a simple challenge that requires a lot of conscious attention and it is a calling from the heart to be more others-focused. It feels so wonderful to be here and I want to thank you for the visit! ~luv Jenn
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Wings for Women: Homefront Heroes /resources =-.

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Beat Schindler January 24, 2010 at 6:36 am

the longing to be seen – also includes the longing to be disliked for who we are, rather than to be loved for who we are not, doesn’t it?

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Beat Schindler January 24, 2010 at 6:56 am

I’d rather be disliked for who I am, than loved for for who I am not – wouldn’t we all? “I see you”

ps. re-posting this comment because I noticed my commentluv stuff didn’t work – seems to work now. simply delete one of the two 🙂
.-= Beat Schindler´s last blog ..How To Plan Your Happiness To Suit Yourself =-.

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Lana January 24, 2010 at 7:25 am

@Jenn, I love that quote – I cannot protect who I am and be clear about who I am at the same time, thank you for sharing! And you are right, if we all could just see the person in front of us, what a better world would we all live in.

@Beat, that’s exactly what I meant. Thank you for commenting!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..One Thing Everyone Wants =-.

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Susan Davis January 24, 2010 at 7:45 pm

What an AWESOME insight! I love this distinction …. Being Seen. I would have to say that I have never thought of how dis-empowering it is to try to be “accepted”. To meet someones approval. We may not “approve” or “accept” a persons beliefs or actions or way of live to take a moment to actually SEE them and find that unique thing that makes them Them” and acknowledge it~~~ now that is powerful! Thank you for helping me to SEE the best in others and stop approving them!
.-= Susan Davis´s last blog ..Commitment Precedes Resources. =-.

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Boris January 25, 2010 at 3:34 am

Lana,
Your post about this concept is very interesting!
When we are accepted or approved we will be being judged. In the other hand, when we are seen we are just acknowledged!
Are we seen truly as we are? probably not, but we are at least acknowledged. However, still I prefer the namaste meaning: The divinity within me greets the divinity within you!
Namaste!
Boris
.-= Boris´s last blog ..I disagree with… Steve Pavlina =-.

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Lana January 25, 2010 at 7:40 am

@ Susan thank you so much for commenting, I am so glad you found this post helpful for you!

@ Boris, I actually was think about Namaste meaning when I was writting this post, I love it too:) Thanks for commenting!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..One Thing Everyone Wants =-.

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Jonathan Figaro January 25, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Love the post lana, what go you into personal development?

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Hulbert January 26, 2010 at 2:46 am

Hi Lana, nice post here. I agree that a lot of people want approval and they do this through material ways. If we can connect with each other on a deeper level if we just take to time to listen to one another, instead of rushing it like you say. This doesn’t take money; it is free. I’ve seen Avatar also (one of the best movies I’ve seen) and that movie is about connecting with each other on a deeper level. This is when people change their lives. Anyway, thanks for sharing this on the best date ever – my birthday. (Joking ;))
.-= Hulbert´s last blog ..Identifying Worst Possible Scenarios =-.

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Lana January 26, 2010 at 6:47 am

@ Jonathan, what got me into personal development? Curiosity I guess and desire to be more than what I was:)

@Hulbert Happy Birthday:) You are right about connecting on a deeper level, I think this what a lot of people crave these days. Thanks for commenting!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..One Thing Everyone Wants =-.

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Kaushik January 26, 2010 at 11:32 am

“I see you” in Avatar was a beautiful concept. It reminds me of the Indian greeting Namaste, which means I bow to the divine in you.

Namaste!

k
.-= Kaushik´s last blog ..Why we don’t do the things that are good for us? =-.

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Amit Sodha - The Power Of Choice January 26, 2010 at 6:55 pm

Hi Lana,

This ties in beautifully with my #TT that I put on twitter today which was Our imperfections are what make us amazingly unique. When you look for those gems in people you are amazed at what you find! Beautiful! x
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..Honouring People And Cultures With Language Skills =-.

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Vincent January 26, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Hi Lana,

Great article! If we are able to see unto others and see them in a positive light, it will make us feel good about them and they themselves will feel acknowledged by us.

Anyway Avatar is really a great movie and I totally love it. 🙂

Cheers,
Vincent
.-= Vincent´s last blog ..Others Want To See You Make Decisions – Start Being Decisive Now =-.

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Lana January 27, 2010 at 8:37 am

@Kaushik yes I love Namaste too!

@Amit so true Amit, our imperfection do make us unique and special. Are they even imperfections after all?

@Vincent thanks for commenting, people do feel it even when we acknowledge them ..even if we do it silently.
.-= Lana´s last blog ..One Thing Everyone Wants =-.

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Bart January 28, 2010 at 10:03 pm

Waw, Lana. This is a beautiful post. It touched me. I know exactly what you mean and I appreciate the honesty in your words. I think acceptance and surrender are important if you want to ‘see’ people. There may be things you don’t like about someone, but that’s exactly what makes them that person.

And you’re right, Avatar is an incredible movie – truly enjoyed it (several times ;-).
.-= Bart´s last blog ..Fear Shows You Where To Go =-.

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Therese Miu February 12, 2010 at 3:29 am

Hi Lana,
The more we experience even total strangers as our family we will definitely begin to move to a deeper level and even more in planetary shift. And feeling Oneness for all things not just with human beings but with ALL NATURE- Sun, Moon, Wind, Trees, Animals, Clouds, Ocean etc… We mush always pay humble respect. We are TRULY ONE. And our Separation is only a game we play.

I thoroughly enjoyed the move “Avatar” and this movie going ‘mainstream’ was a definite PLUS. I am so glad that many people were touched by this film. But now we must carry those same feelings & emotions into our everyday daily habits and actions. And Like you already mentioned Lana it starts within our own selves first. You have to find the peace, joy,love, and acceptance within you. If you recognize it within yourself then you will be able to share it with everyone around you.
Be truthful, be compassionate, be patient, and be forgiving

Love your blog Lana
Reading it brings fulfillment in my heart

I appreciate you
Love & Light
Therese Miu
.-= Therese Miu´s last blog ..12 Tips to strengthen your friendship: Why Likeability Matters in Life & Business =-.

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Keith February 15, 2010 at 7:07 pm

I think that’s an important distinction you’ve made–‘seeing’ vs. accepting. Acceptance requires a judgment of the other person whereas ‘seeing’ is more of an appreciation or acknowledgement of the uniqueness of the other. Once we judge someone as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (or whatever label we assign) we tend to see them through this filter and so create a limited view of reality. Even though there is a difference between ‘seeing’ vs accepting, I do think they can go hand-in-hand at times– if people could truly ‘see’ others, it would lead to more acceptance in the world. Question–did you mean ‘see into them’ at the end of the post?

Remember–you’re unique, just like everybody else 🙂

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Shankar Vaitheswar March 25, 2010 at 11:18 am

Lana!
I don’t know how much you believe in FACE READING but I believe in thisfrom the bottom of my heart. And your FACE at the right side of the blog can do miracles. Your words are divine, anybody could sense the REAL emotions. Just having one question to ask: Are you a strong BELIEVER of Jesus? Because I never ever had crossed path with any individual in life with such a touch of wisdom, who do not believe Jesus.

May God bless you, Who has given you the purpose of your life in a crystal clear manner, I suppose. I could only love you.

God bless.
Shankar.

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