Most of our unhappiness and frustration in life occurs because we are either unhappy with other people, specifically other people not acting the way we expected them to.
Or we are unhappy with ourselves, the way we act, think, feel or speak.
Remember when you were upset last time. Most likely it was because someone did something you didn’t like or you yourself did something you didn’t like. Even when you are unhappy with other things.
For example, you don’t have enough money. If you dig deeper most likely what really makes you unhappy is your boss who won’t give you a raise or you yourself for procrastinating and not taking the necessary action to make more money.
One way or another your unhappiness comes from someone doing something wrong. You blame others or yourself. Why do you blame them? Because they are responsible for their actions, right? Why do you blame yourself? Because you are responsible.
If no one was responsible there would be no one to blame. No one to blame, nothing to get upset at. Well, you will still get upset, but it will be a different feeling. You will let it go right away and move on.
OK, that leads me to a cornerstone in personal development.
You are responsible for your actions and so is everyone else. That’s what personal development is all about, right?
Without responsibility there would be no point in trying to improve and grow yourself. If you are not responsible for anything, why bother? Taking full responsibility for your life is the first step in changing it for the better, right? That’s what I always thought.
But what if not? What if you are not responsible? And no one else is? What if you are not responsible for your thoughts, your actions, your words and no one else is either? Scary, huh? Where would it lead us?
To happiness actually. Complete and never ending happiness. Pure bliss.
There would be no expectations. If no one is responsible, there is nothing to expect from anyone. Your neighbor can be whatever he wants to be, there is no way for you to be unhappy with him because you don’t expect him to act in any certain way. How can you? He is not responsible anyway.
Before you decide that I have completely lost my mind let me explain. Everything you just read were not my words.
I watched an interview with the enlightened master Ramesh Balsekar. He talked about happiness. That’s what enlightenment is all about after all – being completely happy and at peace with every moment.
Why do we try to improve ourselves? To be happy. That’s exactly why we do everything we do in life – try to make money, get married, get divorced, read blogs like this one, write blogs like this one, try to lose weight, try to gain weight, set goals, take action – to be happy and enjoy life.
Well, apparently we are trying way too hard. All we have to do is take off responsibility and just assume that no one is responsible for anything.
With this will come acceptance. Acceptance will bring awareness. Awareness will bring clarity and living in tune with your Highest Self. And with this will come happiness.
Simple isn’t it? What do you think? I’ll tell you what I think in a minute.
Genetics and Conditioning.
Balsekar explained it this way – what determines most of our actions are genetics and conditioning. I agree with that. Genetics determine a lot of our physical and intellectual abilities. Conditioning or certain beliefs we formed while growing up determine most of our thoughts and actions. Our results in life of course depend on all of the above.
Did we choose our genetics and conditioning? In other words did we choose where to be born and when? No, we didn’t. Then we cannot be responsible for anything.
And we can all be happy just by realizing it. Happy right now. Again, not my words, but how logical!
The lessons I learned.
Well, let me finally tell you what I think. Most of us are not enlightened yet, but we can still take away so much from the interview. What I took from this interview was the following:
1. Everything should be taken much lighter. Expectations should be set, in my opinion, but mostly expectations in life, not in others. Expect that your life will take care of you no matter what. Expect the best.
Expect the best from others, but don’t get attached to details. Others tend to not act the exact way we expect them to act. By expecting them to do certain things, we just make ourselves unhappy.
Someone didn’t do what they promised to do? Let go. Don’t judge. Don’t dwell on it. You are sending a negative vibe toward that person this way. He/she will feel it subconsciously and start acting even worse toward you. Just let go and think that they are not completely responsible. They acted based on their conditioning and genetics.
You yourself didn’t perform up to your standards? Forgive yourself and let go. Don’t beat yourself up. Continue striving to become better but at the same time accept the fact that you act this way because some Higher Power wanted you to.
The same Higher Power that determined when and where you’ll be born, the same that determined your conditioning and genetics. That Higher Power probably knew what it was doing. Your soul is connected to that Higher Power and making mistakes is what your soul needs to grow.
2. Since conditioning is playing such a huge role in everything you do, try to get rid of its burden as much as possible. The more conscious you become, the better you’ll be able to act based on your conscious choices, not the beliefs you formed while growing up.
Notice your thoughts and ask: “Why am I thinking that? Is it really so or do I act based on some limiting belief of mine?” Stop and make a conscious choice. You’ll regret much less.
3. I truly think that living assuming less responsibility in some ways (not in everything) can actually help you in reaching many goals. Since you take things much lighter and don’t care as much, you don’t let fears stand in the way of taking action toward your goal.
Fears come into play when the goal is too important. Taking it lighter will actually help to just take action toward it. The desire transforms into pure intention.
Pure intention is when you want to go to the store and buy milk. You don’t think, worry, procrastinate or sabotage yourself in any other way because of your unconscious fears whether you can do it or not. You just go to the store and get milk. That’s pure intention.
Taking your goals lighter and assuming no responsibility will help with that. You just take action, you don’t think and overanalyze. Then take another action and another one. Isn’t that what we all wish we could do more effectively toward all important goals of ours?
Why to get out of bed in the morning?
The interviewer asked Balsekar – if we are not responsible, what’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning? Balsekar laughed and said: “You’ll get off the bed because you can’t not.”
No responsibility according to him is not about not doing anything, but about letting go of expectations that come with responsibility and as a result being at peace with your life and being happy. You still do everything you think needs to be done. You have goals, you take action, you live but you feel much lighter. You are at peace no matter what comes.
You are happy.
You become pure intention. And pure intention can create miracles.
What do you think? Let me know.