There are so many things that I know will make me feel better or more productive or more healthy or more peaceful….or more alive. They work. Like a charm. When I do them.
The problem is I don’t do them consistently.
Because my spirit resists doing them for the results I am hoping to get. Because all of those things have the beauty of their own. And my spirit wants to acknowledge that beauty. And do it for that beauty.
My spirit wants to enjoy the process. Not the destination.
My spirit doesn’t like the vibe of striving. The vibe of - let me do that to get this… because without doing that I won’t get this.
I don’t want to do something inspiring in the morning to make the whole day more productive and inspiring. I don’t want to meditate to get more clarity. I don’t want to write to get more subscribers.
I don’t want to do those things with a desperate desire to get some particular result.
I want to do them…for the sake of doing them. Because it feels good to do them.
It feels good to escape to our little garden first thing in the morning with my baby and spend some time there reflecting, looking at the flowers and watching her explore. It feels good. And the day does flow afterwards.
But as soon as I notice the effect it has on the rest of my day, I want to keep doing it to get that effect. I forget why I liked it so much to begin with. I stop being present. I see a more “important” benefit and now I want to do it for that benefit.
But the thing is – my spirit refuses to do it. It doesn’t like the result oriented mentality. And so I don’t escape to the garden in the mornings anymore. I do it later in the day, but the magic of doing it in the morning before anything else –that magic is forgotten.
Do you make the same mistake?
Have you ever started meditating and felt good and then noticed the profound effect it had on your day and your mind…and wanted more of that effect?
Have you ever decided to spend more time in nature and loved it and felt more at peace and more inspired and more connected and gained more clarity and more focus as a result…and then wanted to spend more time in nature to get more focus and more clarity?
Have you ever done things that make you come alive and felt really good, felt that special high …and then noticed that it was easier for you to do other things that make you come alive – bigger things, bolder things…. and it all felt good and so you decided to do all those little things that make you come alive to help bigger things to become a significant part of your life? Because you want to your bigger alives to be a significant part of your life.
I have done all of the above.
And that is the problem.
Because the intention of getting the particular result turns all of those things into a chore. And my spirit resists chores.
Now I see the problem with the project Alive that I started. I started treating it as chore. I started doing it purely for the result I was hoping to get. And my spirit screams – No.
Should I stop the project?
But I should stop and reconsider. I should maybe stop calling it a project for God’s sake. I should stop and go back to why I loved feeling alive and doing things that make me come alive to begin with.
And that is what I plan to do in the next few days.