Yesterday was the day of two extremes. We have those quite often around here. What are the extremes? Funny that you asked. Beauty and ugliness, of course. But rest assured – the beauty prevailed. It always does.
It started with the baby not sleeping most of the night. Actually, no. It started with two stupid parents who went to bed at 2 am in the morning. The baby who slept peacefully up until that moment decided to wake up. And stay up. For quite some time.
So the morning started with raised voices rushing Nicholas to get ready for school as I was grumpy and refused to be a conscious parent. I hate raising my voice in the morning. Sets the wrong vibe for the day. I hate rushing Nicholas. Childhood is the time when you should not be rushed. That was the ugliness.
Then came the beauty. It was an observation day at school. I was able to sit quietly in the corner of the classroom for 3 hours and watch my boy do his work. I loved every minute of it.
Nicholas goes to a little Montessori school that has lots of character. And we are lucky to have it just 5 minutes down the road. I love Montessori philosophy. I love this particular Montessori school.
My heart was filled with love and pride when I was watching my baby. How mature he is for a 5 year old. How much he learned in just 6 months of going to school. How he interacts with other kids. How he interacts with his teacher. How he was blowing me kisses and looking at me with a “I know we need to be quiet” smile every few minutes.
That was the beauty.
The rest of the day kept fluctuating between the two.
We had more raised voices and even couple “time outs”. I am not a “time out” kind of parent. I don’t want to be a “time out” kind of parent. I really don’t believe in “time outs”. But after sleepless nights and too many things on the to do list “time outs” tend to show up around here as we are short of patience.
We had more beauty with the park and the swings. Because baby turned 6 months yesterday and she loves the swings!
And Nicholas telling “Happy Birthday” to Ava Victoria over and over again and asking me to do something special.
And special we did. We had a picnic. In the hallway.
We had candles. Which are the best at transforming ordinary into extraordinary. On a budget.
And black bean burgers with fries. Cause big brother loves them. Fries is a special occasion food in our household.
We had balloons that baby looked at cautiously at first but then loved. And special lemonade from Mason jars that Nicholas made by mixing what we had on hand – sparkling water, Life water and stevia.
We had dessert from wine glasses.
Here is the inspiration for the dessert. Mine doesn’t look as pretty though, but it was good. I used coconut yogurt instead of Greek yogurt as we don’t eat dairy.
And the big girl who turned 6 months? Oh, we love her so much!
She ate her first food.
These two little miracles are my everything.
The ugliness crept in again right before bedtime. It was getting late and Nicholas wanted to play and I again rushed him to get ready for bed and raised my voice again. And then baby was screaming because she got tired.
And I told Keith that I needed to get out of the house for an hour. I wanted to go to the bookstore and just be by myself. He said: “Just feed her and I’ll do the rest”.
And there I sat in the rocking chair feeding her and all of a sudden the beauty visited again. Those few minutes of calmness in the dark room helped me stop the crazy ego mind that was making me feel something that was not true. Making me focus on something that did not matter.
And with beauty came clarity. Pure clarity. I didn’t want to go to the bookstore anymore.
Yes, we get stressed and tired. And there are things that need to get done. And there are sleepless nights just like all new parents have. And there are mistakes and regrets.
But we have two healthy, happy, amazing children. We have “I am sorrys” which is what I did right before Nicholas fell asleep. Crept into his bed with him, hugged him tight and said “I am sorry”.
We have picnics in the hallway. And balloons in the ceiling.
We have our family. And our love. We have dreams. We have it all, baby!
And I bet you do too.
It is really silly to talk about gratitude. Everyone knows how important it is. Everyone talks about appreciating what you have. But do we always remember to do it? Every day? Several times a day? How cool would it be to remember to do it several times a day? How would your life change? Think how rich you truly are and how much you do have to be grateful for. It almost hurts when I start thinking about it.
How much beauty is everywhere! Just waiting to be noticed. And how much clarity you can get if you just stop for a minute and shift your focus. To what truly matters.
I am on a challenge to write every day for 30 days. To rediscover my voice. To gain clarity. To tap into what inspires me. I don’t edit, so pardon my mistakes. Thanks for reading.