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How To Clear Your Limiting Beliefs

clear limiting beliefsI used to have a belief for a long period of my life that people didn’t like me.

This is by the way one of the top ten limiting beliefs people have.

I used to have that belief in a slightly exaggerated form though.

It was coming from childhood and from my mom’s desire to have an easy going and communicative child which I never was.

She used to always directly or indirectly try to change me. I have a great mom by the way, she did what she thought would be the best for me. But as a result of that I formed a belief that people didn’t like me the way I was.

Anyway, I realized that I had that belief a long time ago.

I also realized that it was just a belief and that it limited me a lot in life since it didn’t allow me to fully express who I was and made me very insecure.

The nature of our beliefs is very tricky. When we have a belief about something we’ll always find proof of that belief in the external world.

When I had this belief that people didn’t like me, that’s what I was noticing everywhere I went.

Of course, there were (and still are) plenty of people who love me. But I simply ignored them and focused on those who didn’t.  That in turn reinforced my belief and made it even stronger.

Quite a vicious cycle.

When I started living more consciously, I started reevaluating my beliefs.

One thing I learned was that often just becoming aware of the limiting belief was enough to let it go.

Ahh Awareness… It can truly create miracles.

Well, unfortunately, with some deeply rooted beliefs not everything is that easy.

I let go of the belief partially but not all of it. How did I know?

Awareness helped again. I told you it’s a powerful tool.

I started noticing (became aware of) occasions when the belief reappeared again.

I think one of them was when I sent a friend request to a person on FB who I was really interested to become friends with and the person didn’t respond to the request for several  days. The first thought I had was that the person didn’t like what I had written in the message I sent, which was pretty silly to think, but I did.

The thought was very quick and then I immediately realigned myself realizing how stupid it was to think that (state of awareness again).

I had a couple of other occasions like that one and those brief thoughts or reactions that I became aware of showed me that the belief is still there.

I let it go quickly and don’t allow it to make my life miserable anymore because I am aware of it. But it would be so nice to not have it at all, to let it go out of my life completely.

And I think I finally did.

How did I do that?

Instead of trying to fight my limiting belief that people don’t like me, I decided to consciously let go of my need for approval by others.

I consciously decided that from now on I will allow people to not like me (as if they ever cared about my permissionJ). I allowed myself to be okay with people not liking me.

I made a decision and I also wrote it down – “I am completely fine when someone doesn’t like me and I allow them to feel towards me the way they please”.

So I attacked the belief from a different angle. It is still there but I don’t care about it anymore since I don’t care about people liking me or not anymore. Well, I probably still do but I am not attached to it.

What are the beliefs you have that bother you? Are you even aware of your limiting beliefs? Becoming aware is the first and most important step of stopping those beliefs from ruling your life and dictating you how you are going to think, feel and act.

Become aware first and then see how you can completely get rid of them.

Find a different angle to your belief just like I did and let it go.

But before you do that you have to learn how to become aware, right? Without awareness you’ll continue living on autopilot at the mercy of your limiting beliefs.

How to become aware:

Stop and ask why. Ask why you are thinking, feeling and acting the way you do. Why are you afraid to do something? Does it really make sense? Or is it some limiting belief of yours stopping you from taking action? Stop and ask, often just that is enough to uncover limiting beliefs.

Watch your language. Notice how you speak. Do you have lots of negative phrases in your vocabulary? Do you have lots of – “It won’t work”, “I don’t think I can do it”, “this is unrealistic”,  “they won’t approve” etc? Do you have any  “Would be nice but…”,  “I’d love to but I should..”,  “I don’t want to but I have to…”  Watch how you speak and you’ll become aware of your limiting beliefs.

Watch your thoughts. What are the thoughts that run through your mind? Are there lots of those that make you a victim, criticize you, complain etc? Notice the patterns, find limiting beliefs. Become aware. Only after that can you let them go.

Start noticing your second reaction to something. Your first reaction usually comes from your soul and is true.  You second reaction might be different and it is when your limiting beliefs kick in.

When I wanted to send a friend request to a person I talked about earlier, I was excited. Then the second reaction came and my limiting belief kicked in – she might not have liked what I had written (people don’t like you, don’t you remember?)

Write it down. When you become aware of your limiting thoughts, words, reactions– write them down. Otherwise you’ll forget.

Meditate. Meditation is the number one tool that helps with the state of awareness. It helps us to become an observer.

Without becoming more aware you won’t be able to stop and ask why. You’ll continue on autopilot doing what you were doing. You won’t be able to notice your limiting language patterns or your second reactions. All of that is possible only when you are aware, when you are observing.

After you became aware of some of the limiting beliefs that hold you back in life, see how you can let them go completely.

Find the angle that will help you get rid of any need to have that negative belief.

Release your attachment to the thing you are so afraid of.

Let go.

Free yourself up.

You’ll love it, I promise.

Live Consciously, Be Yourself, Follow Your Dreams!

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{ 2 trackbacks }

The Book of Wisdom – 101 Posts for the All-Around Balanced Life | Balance In Me
February 23, 2010 at 10:51 pm
Does Jimmy White have limiting beliefs about winning the World Snooker Championship? | Smashing Beliefs
March 11, 2010 at 12:07 pm

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Dave @ 30 Days At A Time February 2, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Two especially important things to watch out for in your own self-talk are the words “can’t” and “try.” Words like “won’t” can have a valid reason, but “can’t” is always the symptom of a limiting belief. Similarly, “try” is a word that gives us permission to fail. “At least I tried” is one of the worst excuses people make because it doesn’t sound like an excuse.

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Steven Aitchison February 2, 2010 at 9:19 pm

Hi Lana, we share the same passion about belief formation only I come at it from a slightly different angle.

It’s not our own beliefs that we are necessarily aware of but the thought that we know what other people’s beliefs are about us. If we can learn to let go of others beliefs about us we can then start to work on our own beliefs about ourselves. We do this by creating a belief that we want and looking for evidence that belief is true. Hope that makes sense.

Great post Lana, as usual.
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..Focus On Your Output, And Restrain Your Input =-.

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Lana February 2, 2010 at 10:00 pm

@Dave, yes, I totally agree-try definitely leaves room for failure. I am working on eliminating that one now too. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

@ Steven, I can totally see where you are coming from. We really often are too dependent of what others think of us and often lose ourselves in the process. Only by letting go of that need of apporval can we rediscover ourselves and create the beliefs that serve us. Thanks for your input Steven.
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Clear Your Limiting Beliefs =-.

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Kaushik | beyond-karma.com February 2, 2010 at 10:21 pm

Excellent post. As you say, when we can become aware of a belief we can let it go. However, there are many beliefs which we are not even aware of, and many of these are conflicting, and this why we often feel stuck. We create our beliefs from a need for approval, security, completeness or control. If we can let go of those needs, we can let go of unconscious beliefs.

As you point out, it can be important not to fight it but to stop and watch. Awareness helps. Releasing helps.

Thanks, this is an important subject and I like your balance and insight.

k
.-= Kaushik | beyond-karma.com´s last blog ..A Handbook of Awakening =-.

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John February 2, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Great article, Lana. I agree with what you’ve said. I once read that 20% of the people you meet will like you for the exact reason another 20% don’t. The rest just don’t care one way or the other.

This made sense to me after a marketing class I took showed a study where 80% of a product, say Coca Cola for example, is consumed by 20% of all their customers. We need to seek out our loyal fan base who will be supportive in life.

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Tess The Bold Life February 3, 2010 at 12:23 am

Lana,
I like the advice stop and ask why. I’m sure I’ll discover it’s irrational. After that I won’t need the rest of your steps;) I love Steve’s remarks as well.

I’m going to begin looking for proof today!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Born To Run =-.

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Farouk February 3, 2010 at 8:47 am

you have just mentioned a very important point which monitoring ones thoughts and asking question. thanks :)

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Amit Sodha - The Power Of Choice February 3, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Hey Lana,

Great post, yes awareness is a beautiful thing.

This post in ways emulates the message of Vicktor Frankl in his famous quote – “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

I’ve had so many limiting beliefs and I’ve worked through many of them and come through on the other side a much better person for it in very similar ways to what you’ve described!

Thanks Lana
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..7 Enlightened Thoughts For A Kick-Ass Day =-.

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Steven | The Emotion Machine February 3, 2010 at 3:06 pm

I too have suffered from many limiting beliefs in the past: feelings of insecurity and self-worthlessness.

I believe you are absolutely right Lana about paying more attention to our speech and thoughts. Limiting beliefs will always have a tendency to creep into our heads if we don’t remain vigilant about the inner workings of our mind – and that requires consistent conscious living.
.-= Steven | The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..Mindful Risk-Taking: In Life And In Business =-.

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Jonathan Figaro February 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Lana, Don’t for get creative visualization. To get past the physical aspect we must get the psychology of achievement down pact first. It’s the easiest way to remove limiting beliefs. Great post sweet heart!

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Lana February 3, 2010 at 8:32 pm

@Kaushik, thank you, I always love your comments as they always remind me once again how important awareness is.

@John, interesting study about Coca cola and it does make so much sense. I agree I now only focus on those who like me and don’t spent any energy thinking about those who don’t. Thanks for commenting!

@Tess, yay for the proof, I know you’ll find lots of proof of how much and by how many you are loved!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Clear Your Limiting Beliefs =-.

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Lana February 3, 2010 at 8:36 pm

@Farouk, I am glad you found it helpful, thank you!

@Amit, how do you always have a perfect quote just for the occassion? I loved it. Thanks for commenting!

@Steven I agree Steven, being conscious and aware is really all we need to be happy and master our mind. I wish more people could do it consistently.

@Jonathan, oh yes, I am such a big believer in creative visualization, I guess, I’ll make a separate post about how it can help us clear limiting beliefs. Thank you for commenting!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Clear Your Limiting Beliefs =-.

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Fatibony{self help wellness} February 3, 2010 at 11:15 pm

This is Awesome Lana, it’s amazing how limiting some of our beliefs can be, yet life goes on whilst some of us hold on dearly to these beliefs that don’t serve us well.

Like you have mentioned Awareness is very important. In addition, challenging these beliefs/thoughts I have found sometimes helpful. Thanks :)
.-= Fatibony{self help wellness}´s last blog ..Finding Your Inner Strength =-.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills February 4, 2010 at 12:19 am

Hi Lana, since you have my book, you already know how passionate I am about the power of beliefs. I like how you contrasted the difference in your quality of life by managing your beliefs. This is where the source of power to create our own reality comes from. Once you have the ability to customize your personal belief system, your whole life changes. It literally unlocks your creative powers. Nicely done!
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Is More Success Always a Good Idea? =-.

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Terry Del Perico February 4, 2010 at 6:00 am

Hi Lana – Thanks for a very useful blog post. It’s these deeper level issues that can make all the difference in our lives.

I was so glad that Amit shared the Victor Frankl quote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

I just read Victor Frankl’s book again and it is wonderfully enlightening.
.-= Terry Del Perico´s last blog ..Networking Redefined: Part Two =-.

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Nadia - Happy Lotus February 4, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Hi Lana,

Before I share my thoughts, I just want you to know that I love how you write from the heart. Your sincerity shines through in every word.

Isn’t it amazing how we get in our own way? I remember the first time I learned that I create my reality. So I started to watch my thoughts and was amazed at how limiting and fearful they were.

All of your tips are things that I have done and they most definitely do make a difference especially the one about writing your thoughts down.

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Marc Winitz February 4, 2010 at 10:12 pm

This is really well stated Lana. One thing I would add is that sometimes it also helps just to have someone push you on your limits. Honestly some of the best sports coaches do this to athletes and it helps them make breakthroughs that they wouldn’t have done on their own. Personal coaches can do this but the push doesn’t have to even come from that. It can simply be a friend pointing it out assuming you have asked them to take notice of your behavior and mention specific instances to you from time to time.//Marc
.-= Marc Winitz´s last blog ..Be Hard On Yourself – The Zen of “How” =-.

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Lana February 5, 2010 at 3:37 am

@Jonathan, thanks. yes I know how passionate you are about the topic. I am actually finishing the book and going to send you my grateful comments/testimonial. YOu did a great job in it!

@Terry thank you for stopping by and commenting, I ahve to get that book, second person is mentioning it on one blog post!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Clear Your Limiting Beliefs =-.

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Lana February 5, 2010 at 3:41 am

@ Nadia, dear, thank you for your comment, I do try to write from the heart and very happy you can see it. Writtng thoughts down does make us become aware even more, so you are definitely right, it does help.

@Marc thanks for you input. I absilutely believe in the power of masterminds, it can make a huge difference when there is someone out there who holds you accountable and pushes you forward.
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Clear Your Limiting Beliefs =-.

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Anastasiya February 5, 2010 at 4:22 am

That’s an excellent article Lana! Beliefs are the pillars that form our mindset and fortunately for us we can always change these pillars. Your tips on how to change your beliefs are very useful and I’ll definitely recommend them to my readers.

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Evelyn Lim February 6, 2010 at 1:51 am

Your thought about no one liking you is certainly a misbelief. You have such a brilliant smile and uplifting appearance! Your energy is also positive! I am glad that you have worked through this belief. As you can see, you are changing lives right now. You are loved – and very much so!
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Cultivate The Power of Imagination =-.

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J.D. Meier February 7, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Mindful ways for better days, right?!

I especially like this pattern interrupt and introspection ….
“Your first reaction usually comes from your soul and is true. You second reaction might be different and it is when your limiting beliefs kick in.”
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..Top 10 Lessons Learned in Spirituality =-.

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Chris Edgar February 7, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Hi Lana — yes, that sounds like a liberating way to think about the idea that people don’t like you — “okay, people don’t like me. And guess what? I’m still breathing.” With that attitude, it sounds like the behaviors to compensate for people potentially not liking you can fall away, because there’s nothing to defend against anymore.

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Stephen - Rat Race Trap February 8, 2010 at 12:52 am

Hello Lana, I believe a lot of this behavior is wired into as humans and that’s why we have to work so hard to overcome it. The “people don’t like me” belief is always true. People are so different than no matter who you are or what you do some people are going to like you and some people aren’t. I’m so glad you let it go.
.-= Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..Some More Books You Might Enjoy =-.

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Baker February 8, 2010 at 7:09 am

I thought this post was really amazing. “I am completely fine when someone doesn’t like me and I allow them to feel towards me the way they please”. This is something I can use now in my personal development. I have the tendency to concern myself too much with what others think about what I’m doing. I’m gradually learing to get passed this distraction in my own life. This is a very valuable post for me.
I recieved value from this post.
Thank you for sharing your personal story with this topic.

Baker

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Lana February 9, 2010 at 7:01 am

@Anastasiya, exactly, fortunately we can change our beliefs. All we have to do is to learn living with more awareness.

@Evelyn, that you so much dear Evelyn, you are changing lives too and are very much loved by many!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Get In The Flow or How To Connect With Your Inner Genius =-.

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Lana February 9, 2010 at 7:04 am

@ J.D. haha! pattern interrupt and instrospection, that’s really what I was talking about just explained in a more down to earth and not new agey way. Thank you!

@Chris, exactly, that’s what I am thinking now! I am still breathing!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Get In The Flow or How To Connect With Your Inner Genius =-.

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Lana February 9, 2010 at 7:07 am

@Stephen, yes I am incredibly happy I could let it go too. That was the belief coming from my Ego, now I live more in connection with my Higher Self. Thank youf or commenting.

@Baker, I am so glad you found it valuable, thank you for commenting!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..How To Get In The Flow or How To Connect With Your Inner Genius =-.

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Jacqui February 12, 2010 at 1:14 pm

I had this belief too for many years and I discovered a hypnosis CD that tackled exactly this. I listened to it a few times and was amazed at how much more comfortable I felt around other people. Visualisation is such a powerful tool for reprogramming our minds. Thanks Lana. I like you and I’m glad you don’t care that I do ;)

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