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Relationships Advice – Other People Are Just Mirror Images Of You

Relationships adviceYour relationships with other people hold the key to your relationship with the world and with yourself.

Do you know that the qualities that we are most annoyed with in others are most likely the qualities we posses ourselves and unconsciously blame ourselves for?

The first time I learned about it, I thought:  ” No, this is not true, there is no way I am as selfish as my husband is”   Which was something that bothered me a lot at the time.

After looking more inside, I found out – “Yes, I am.”  That is exactly how I was and that is exactly what I didn’t like about myself. So as a result I found the same quality in the person close to me and was upset about it.

Now when I look closer at all of the relationships I ever had in my life, I always see a part of me in them. I see a part of me in those people. Often it is the part that I was consciously unaware of, but unconsciously this part was screaming to get my attention.

As soon as I become aware of it, as soon as I bring it to light, learn the lesson, forgive and let go, the relationships that bothered me either automatically improve or the person gradually disappears from my life.

Look at the relationships you have right now. Do you have any relationships in your life that bother you? Here are some of the things you can do:

You are not a victim of the circumstances and you didn’t end up with the relationships you currently have by chance. Stop blaming the person you might be  angry at now. See beyond anger or blame or any other negative feeling you might be experiencing toward that person.

Look inside and find the part of you that is screaming for your attention.

Find the lesson. The person you might be so annoyed with or angry at is teaching you a lesson. And as soon as you see that lesson and bring to light that part in yourself, the person will change or disappear altogether. There won’t be any need for that particular part of those relationships anymore.

If you think that someone is acting disrespectful towards you, see how you might be acting the same way towards other people or even may be towards yourself.

Do not blame. Please do not fall into trap of blaming yourself for being this way or thinking that there is something wrong with you that you need to improve. We don’t need to improve ourselves. We are perfect already.

All we have to do is to awaken to being light and happiness that we were always meant to be. Any imperfection that we presumably have comes from negative beliefs that we hold about ourselves. Most of those beliefs are so deeply embedded into our subconscious that we don’t realize they are there.

If the lesson you learned is showing you that you are a selfish person-it is not that you are selfish. Your true self is not selfish. It is an unconscious negative belief about yourself that says you are selfish.  Change the belief and you’ll stop acting in a selfish way automatically.

Forgive first. Again do not start blaming or feeling guilty. That won’t help. Bring that part of you or that negative belief of yours to light and forgive. Say: “I forgive you and I let you go now”.

After that just promise yourself to stop acting that way and believe that you can do it.

Focus on loving yourself.  Love is the answer to everything. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll never love anyone else. You don’t need to improve yourself. All you need is to love yourself more and that love will unfold the light and wonderful being that you already are and spread that light to other people in your life.

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa October 21, 2009 at 10:26 pm

This is one of your best posts, so true!

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills October 21, 2009 at 10:40 pm

Hi Lana, this concept may seem confusing to some, but we need to remember that we filter what we see in others according to our personal perception. Loved all 5 of your main points. Once we accept responsibility for our reality, whether real or perceived, then we are in a position to make changes. Accepting responsibility = creative power.

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Zeenat{Positive Provocations} October 22, 2009 at 4:36 am

Hi Lana,
What a lovely site you have here. I am so glad you sent me the stumble. This is a wonderful article. I agree completely that we are al mirrors of one another. Its a concept that has stuck with me for quite some time now. We often blame the other person for our problemsm wehn infact the problem is almost always in us. The moment we can realize this, life will become so much more meaningful….and we will most of all stop bickering and start working on our own problems.
Thank you for such a lovely post.
Lots of love
Zeenat

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Dragos Roua October 22, 2009 at 4:38 am

Great post, Lana, I really enjoyed.

I myself struggled with this concept and had a lot of so called “bad” relationships in my life. Slowly understanding that at the root of the “problem” there was only one person, and that would have been me, helped me to get over the pain.

Thank you 🙂

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Lana** October 22, 2009 at 5:46 am

Zeenat, I agree the problem is l almost always in us.

Jonathan, yes, accepting responsiblity is the key!

Dragos, thanks for commenting!

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David October 22, 2009 at 7:56 am

Great stuff Lana, I’ve really took your words to heart and we’ll see hw fast I can improve some of the current relationships in my life.

Thank you

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Karlil October 23, 2009 at 3:14 am

Hi Lana. This is a great article. I have never found myself in this situation so I can’t really tell if that is truly the case. For my experience, I found the reason for arguments is not because of such similarities that we have, but rather because we expect others to be like us, when they are not.

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Lana** October 23, 2009 at 5:25 am

I agree with you Karlil, we often expect others to act the way we want them to and if that doesn’t happen we get upset.

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Steven Aitchison October 23, 2009 at 6:57 am

Hi Lana, really interesting article here.

I think, on the other side of the coin, the people we have in our lives reflect the people we want to be as well. I am talking about very close friends and/or partners.

I would love to be more like my wife, her persoinality traits I mean 🙂 and she says the same about me so we balance each other out perfectly.

I liked your five points and agree with them that your life is your reality on not someone elses.
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..You Are a Failure – A Letter To You =-.

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Stephen - Rat Race Trap October 23, 2009 at 11:29 am

Hi Lana. I read this all the time, but I’ve never really been able to see it in myself except for one characteristic. Your suggestions are very helpful. Thanks!
.-= Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..Irrational Decisions – Anchoring and Arbitrary Coherence =-.

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Lana October 24, 2009 at 5:28 am

I agree Steven, since we want to be like them, we attract those people into our lives, we get what we focus on right:)

Stephen, thanks for stopping by and commenting, I appreciate it!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..Relationships Advice – Other People Are Just Mirror Images Of You =-.

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Walter October 27, 2009 at 1:15 am

Being aware of who we are is the first step for enlightenment. Unfortunately, many people blame the world for their misfortunes whence we are responsible for the consequences of our acts. The wisdom you have stated here are very important, I wish many people would know about this. 🙂

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Gec October 27, 2009 at 3:59 am

In Romanian we have a saying “he who calls others names is that which he calls, like the cuckoo calls his own name” (or something 🙂 ) – it means that whenever you say something about someone, you actually are that thing. If you call someone (or something) beautiful, there’s beauty in you. If you call someone stupid, you’re stupid. You see in people (and in nature) what you are. Great post!
.-= Gec´s last blog ..Thunderstruck =-.

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Eric D. Greene October 27, 2009 at 4:24 am

Hello, first time reader to your blog. I liked the part about “Your true self is not selfish. It is an unconscious negative belief about yourself that says you are selfish. Change the belief and you’ll stop acting in a selfish way automatically.”

So true and it’s not so hard to change the belief! We all have the power whether we are aware of it or not.

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Lana October 27, 2009 at 10:14 pm

Thank you Walter! Self Awareness holds the key to many things. You have a great blog, just subscribed to you feed.
.-= Lana´s last blog ..Relationships Advice – Other People Are Just Mirror Images Of You =-.

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Lana October 27, 2009 at 10:17 pm

Thanks for stopping by Gec, I have two friends from Romania, people from there are very smart, great saying you shared with us!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..Relationships Advice – Other People Are Just Mirror Images Of You =-.

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Lana October 27, 2009 at 10:18 pm

Thank you Eric for a great commenta and I hope you’ll come back!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..Relationships Advice – Other People Are Just Mirror Images Of You =-.

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Armen Shirvanian October 29, 2009 at 7:11 pm

Hi Lana.

This is a good point. The things that I look at in others that bug me the most are things in me that bug me the most as well. We see others and want to see them overcome the problems we have so that we have a template of what to do, or don’t want to see our own problems on display, because it shows us how much we have errored.

I blame people very little thanks to this, and am then able to focus on my own improvement. You’re right about forgiving first, and then working on personal material after that. Forgiving gives some energy to work on it as well.

Thanks for this.

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Beat Schindler November 1, 2009 at 8:56 am

Lana, the “world is but a mirror” is a significant element in personal growth. It’s typically among the early truths that emerge after we awaken from sleep or delusion or whatever we call the unawakened state. The trick, as it were, is to understand that even as we call the world a mirror, in which is reflected our Self, it is still the same Self that does the seeing – meaning if our Self is distorted or delusional, our view of our Self is equally so, or even more (as you might guess, am speaking from personal experience 🙂 As an admittedly extreme example, most animals don’t see themselves in a mirror, even though they have 20/20 eyesight. Therefore, loving your Self, to see your Self through loving eyes, as you point out, builds the bridge that leads to all others. Thanks for your thought provoking post!
Beat
.-= Beat Schindler´s last blog ..World’s Fastest Search Engine? =-.

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Oscar - freestyle mind November 3, 2009 at 5:49 pm

I never thought as other people as the mirror of myself, but it makes sense what you are saying. Great article.
.-= Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..Habit #5 – The Do Habit =-.

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Lana November 4, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Beat, thank you for such an insightful comment!

Oscar, thanks for stopping by and commenting, I appreciate it!
.-= Lana´s last blog ..Relationships Advice – Other People Are Just Mirror Images Of You =-.

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Jean @ Relationship Advice May 3, 2011 at 1:46 am

This is a great post. Whatever you showed to people, is how people will reflect yourself. What you put out is what you get back, is that right?

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